Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by swimmergirl, Sep 1, 2010.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    What do you do to get out of it?

    I feel clueless, and I just want to keep it a secret, which I know is a bad sign.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    your not clueless and you should reach out okay for help now don't try to do things on your own when there is help okay stay strong
  3. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    Depends, do you have anorexia or bulimia?

    I'm not eating and losing weight right now.

    To slow myself down, whenever I find myself hungry, I eat. My problem isn't so much that I have the internal voice of "you're fat, unworthy, etc" so I *don't* eat, I am literally *not hungry* a lot of the time. So when I notice that I'm hungry, I drop everything and eat whatever I'm craving.
  4. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Bulimia is going to kill me. Wow. Feels strange to admit that, but I can't stop throwing up. Food is torture.

    I am afraid to tell my treatment team, because I have been in treatment for this stupid eating disorder for the past four years in and out of hospitals. Obviously it did not help.

    But, I dont know what will help. And I am afraid to disappoint everyone when they all think I am doing so much better. I am such a fraud.
  5. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    told my treatment team, no one seems to think its a big deal, wow, that just makes me feel worse, and makes ED stronger, thanks, assholes.
  6. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Yup, those F*ckers make it worse! I've had my bouts with bulimia while's such f*cking hard work and draining.....I'm surprised we are still alive......

    Yep, in 1990 when I was at the onset of the physical symptoms of anorexia (skinny but no ghoulish looking), I had what appeared to be a CNS attack and my sister called 911. I remember hearing her tell them that I have a history of anorexia and hadn't eaten in 2 wks...I heard the paramedic say "Well she's not really anorexic....." I remember feeling even fatter and from that day on it never stopped....likeyou said, gives you more strength and it's HELL HELL HELL.

    Now being skeletal, I get my way.....everyone stays away. Damned if you do damned if you don't....people are just f*cking insensitive, rude and judgmental.

    Are there any outpatient group programs that you could look into or a community pay as you go group session?

    * bug hugs * I knowhow lonely and hard this truly is.....and you are right, it can and it has killed many
  7. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    thanks for writing, everything you said I can relate to.

    My bulimia is really out of control, and I think I want it to be as much as I don't want it to be. Makes me feel like I can do something right, if nothing else. At the same time, I know it's not a solution to any of my problems. Maybe I dont care, maybe I am too chicken to kill myself swiftly, so this is just a more painful and long route...

    And I am really pissed that I reached out to the people that I trust and no one really cared. I guess that tells me a lot, I am just not worth it.
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