I can feel myself slipping back into a deep depression. It always happens when I hand my heart to someone. The fear of my boyfriend leaving me is unbearable, I spend my days hung up in worry, in anticipation of him leaving, and in a way, it's a self-fulfilled prophecy. This is my sad, pitiful, pattern, of unintentionally sabotaging every relationship due to my fear of losing them, fear of my feelings. I want to leave this world so I can escape this pain. So I can escape hearing the words that to me feel like a death sentence, that I'm not good enough. I've been on pristiq for about 3 months but I can feel its effects slowly deteriorating. No drug can shy the invetiable away, no drugs can make me the girlfriend I want to be. No drugs can keep me here planted firmly in sanity, planted firmly on this earth. I'm sturggling with the thought of leaving it all, all of it behind, I'm giving up. The monotony of everyday is too much for me to bear.