Relapse

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Beka, May 22, 2012.

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  1. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    So i relapsed after 3 months.

    3 months wasted, down the drain so to speak.
    There wasn't even a specific reason I just woke up and did it. I can't really remember doing it, unlike the other times where it was quick and I remembered every part and always stopped myself.

    This time was different, it lasted so long and I can't remember doing it. I just remember towards the end where I stopped, came back to reality.
    This time scared me. I don't usually sh that bad, I don't scar from it. Until this time.


    I'm terrified. I don't want another relapse like that, I'm scared the next one will be worse.
    I don't want to lose myself but it feels like I'm already getting swallowed up by it.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun 3 mths were not wasted you did so well to keep yourself safe You slipped up that all If you can call your doc ok talk to someone about what just happen You kept you safe for so long hun you should be so proud of that Please hun talk to your doc okay see what can be done to help you from sh again
     
  3. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    It's quite the opposite from three months wasted - in my opinion it is three months gained. You went three months without self injury, which is a huge step towards never doing it. In fact, it's so big that it's 2160 hours that were spent without a razor against your skin.

    A relapse is not a sign that you failed, it's a sign that you're human and that because your human, because you feel the way you do, you had to release, just like everybody else. A relapse is a sign of recovery, if it wasn't, we wouldn't call it a relapse.

    We'd call it last night.
     
  4. Tashok

    Tashok Member

    I agree with Serenity - you did an amazing thing, keeping yourself from self-harming for three whole months. Relapsing once, or even a dozen times, does NOT mean you can't beat this thing! Believe me. You are so much stronger and braver than you know. I'm not just saying things, either. I'm 28, and I started self-harming when I was 15 years old. I literally cannot even count how many times I relapsed. Sometimes I'd make it months, sometimes hours. Once when my fiancee left me, I relapsed after almost two years! But I made it, and now it's been years since I cut. And yeah, I got worse before I got better, and I'm still tempted in times of stress. But there's only one thing you really need in order to stop - and that's to truly want to, and you do. The rest is just a process, like any other. How many times did you fall learning to walk, or to ride a bike? How many words did you get wrong before you learned to read? Do you think having to look one up in the dictionary mean you're illiterate? Of course not! Beating an addiction is no different.

    There are millions of former addicts out there - drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, self-harm - and I'm willing to bet that damn near all of them relapsed at least once. You're human, it happens. Give yourself a break. You went THREE WHOLE MONTHS - that is amazing. I know how hard that is, how difficult it is to stop doing something that allows you to cope with the pain that comes with life. Failing isn't the falling down, it's the staying down - a relapse doesn't mean you failed! You are so strong, so amazing, if only you'd let yourself see it.

    I always found that self-harming was a sort of pressure valve for when I was hurting emotionally. The problem is, it kept me from seeking other pressure valves, and if we can't let off pressure we explode. If you can find other ways to let it off, you may not feel the urge so much anymore. I don't know if you have anyone in your life to talk to about this, but sometimes that can help. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the people you know, maybe someone like a counselor (or if you're religious a spiritual leader) can help you? Some other things that helped me were keeping a journal, and some hobbies - especially the ones that either kept me physically active, or that let me express myself, like sketching. (I'm an abysmal artist, but nobody else ever had to see them!) Honestly most of them I can't use when I get *too* depressed because, well, I'm too depressed - but you're not me. From what I can see, you're a whole lot stronger than I ever was. Some of my other coping mechanisms were even less healthy for me than cutting, but I think you're smarter than I was too, so I'm betting you're not going to trade one poison for another.

    We're all rooting for you - and we care about you no matter what, relapses and all.
     
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