Relapsed and this time I don't know how to stop

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sparrow91, Sep 16, 2013.

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  1. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I stopped cutting for a long time and now I'm doing it again. It's so much worse this time. It's all I think about it's all that keeps my mind from going insane. I feel like I'm going crazy and it's the only way to stop it. I've tried running, arts and even trying to go out and have fun but it all makes me feel worse then makes me want to cut worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate talking to people about this. My boyfriend is always concerned about me but I have this tendency to push him away. He's asked me if I started cutting again, I guess he assumed cause I have withdrawn so much and my anxiety is through the roof. I lied to him. I am cutting but I can't tell him or anyone. I don't feel like he can understand. I'm hoping someone here who's maybe gone through something similar can give me some insight. I hate scars and yet I still do it.. I don't like feeling like this but I feel like I deserve this too. It's so confusing. Probably why I hate myself I'm always all over the place..
     
  2. Britt.woodman

    Britt.woodman Member

    I started back again, I wore pajama pants for a week to cover up all the red lines on my legs. Im not sure if he realized it but I know he doesnt want to know if I am. I know he doesnt like it, and doesnt understand how I feel. I dont talk to anyone about whats going on or how I feel. I keep it inside, I stay inside. Your not the only one who is going around this way
     
  3. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for sharing that. It's so hard to talk about it, you know no one likes this and if someone ever finds out I get a whole lecture on it . Never again no more lectures, they say they care and understand but they don't understand shit, in my opinion. How could they possibly begin to understand. Bottling it all up does make me feel crazy though, feels like I could be losing my mind. I'm glad I can talk to some people on here that can understand.
     
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    and, i'm glad you're hear talking to us

    hope you continue to do so
     
  5. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I'll try too
     
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