Relapsed into depression

I had posted on this forum a couple of years ago when I was undergoing a bout of depression. I was 18 then. I'm 21 now. I managed to pull myself together and moved on for a while, but I've just relapsed into it majorly.

I had moved out of my parents house and to another city for college and was staying with friends for a few years. Once college got over, my friends moved away and I was staying with my uncle and his daughter for a couple of months until I found a new place. My uncle is about 65 and his daughter is around 30 or so. She wasn't at home very often.

My uncle used to hug me and keep touching me inappropriately when she wasn't around, and I was really uncomfortable around him but I didn't know what to do. I sort of denied it and wrote it off as an old guy being a little overly affectionate. This went on for months. Finally one morning before he left for work he came into my bedroom to wake me up. It started with him tickling me and pretending he was just kidding around but then he started touching me everywhere and he kept asking me if I liked it. I didn't know what to do so I just lay there and pretended to be asleep though I know he knew I was awake, and finally he left.

Since then I'd always tried to stay away from him, but it was his house and I couldn't always prevent it, and I don't know why but I couldn't say anything. I don't want to tell my parents because although I know they love me and they would do anything to protect me, he's a close relative and I don't want this to tear the family apart.

I've finally moved out and I try to steer clear of him, but so many times at night I don't want to fall asleep because I dream of those things, and I'm 21 now, but I feel like such a child because of this.

I thought it would help if I told someone about it, so I told one of my close friends and it was a mistake. I know she wouldn't tell anyone else, but she keeps making fun of me and sarcastically passes comments about me being into old men and she doesn't realize that while I laugh when she says it I really do feel like screaming sometimes.

I don't know what I expect from putting this out here, I know there are others who need more comfort and friendship than I do, but I just needed to get it out to people who won't judge. Thank you for reading.

 

That sounds awful. I'm so sorry. Very glad you're no longer living with this man. Have you considered speaking with a therapist about this?

 

This is a difficult experience. I recommend a therapist too.

It's good you came here to post. It's one way to get some of this stuff out oif our heads.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

I can't speak to anyone about it.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes, like right now, I'm completely ok, but sometimes I get these massive attacks of depression and I can't stop thinking about it.

 

Try to see a therapist as soon as possible. It's wrong what he did. Also tell your friend to please not say anymore about it or something like that because it's hurtful. Good luck.

 

Your friend needs to be told to stop with jokes as it is not funny it is very harmful. You don't want to talk about it but to heal you have to talk okay. A therapist won't judge you but will help you deal with the sadness inside deal with the abuse uncle did to you talk okay to councillor to therapist your doctor get on meds for awhile anyways but you need to deal with this okay you can't shove it down deep it will only do more harm hugs