Not sure if you've seen my recent posts about feeling like i'd almost beaten it. I thought it had only been 6 months since the last time but it worked out to be 10. With all the stress of getting kicked out my mind must have got muddled up. Anyway, the last week or so i've been getting the urge to cut. I've not been upset or stressed or anything. So i just distracted myself. On Saturday I appeased the urge by getting a new piercing, sometimes that has been enough in the past, also i really wanted a new piercing lol. Then tonight I went to bed at about 10pm (tues) and woke up around 2.30am (weds technically) with the urge to cut. No upset or stress, just felt like an itch that needed scratching. So I gave in. Not deep ones, it never is to begin with, especially if i'm in 'control' just deep enough to bleed ever so slightly and hurt. Although i barely feel it at the time, just when it stings afterwards. The deep ones are usually when im not in control and let my emotions take over. I dont feel upset, angry or disappointed in myself like you would expect. If anything I feel numb, nuetral. Peaceful even. I seriously do not feel anything right now. It's a bizzare feeling. I should be worried about having some kind of emotional detatchment, but do not even feel this. Im confused as to why I feel nothing, but again, I dont actually feel confused if you see what I mean. I dont know what this means, whether it's a one off or the beginning of a downward spiral is yet to be seen.