relapsing *may trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by forever_scarred, Mar 22, 2011.

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  1. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    i had not cut in almost 2 years...friday morning i not a "traditional cutter" but its cutting just the to the point burning and crying was not enough...ive got worry for school, worry for grammie, worry for my grandpa, trying to hide from my own demons who plague me every night -- i was lucky enough that no one caught me during or after it, and no one has noticed yet...but i kno, i feel the sharp needles dig into my arm, i was astonished at how much it hurt....i wasnt used to the comforting pain anymore...until my grandmothers condition improves i know i will continue back down the pathway to not gonna pretend that i can change it or that im "ok" with it all cuz im not, im opening admitting i cutter? yes. am i a self harmer/abuser? yes. have been for 4 years, who would have thought that my life would come to this. to this site to people i dont even really know and yet i trust my "life" my "emotions" with them....perhaps stupid as it takes nothing to set me off, get me angry or crying and then comes the abuse...and no amount of therapy will stop this...ive had therapy it doesnt work, ive had meds, they dont work...often while abusing a thought surfaces, perhaps i am meant to suffer, perhaps i am meant to die....if i were not why am i in such pain now? why would i hurt myself? why?

    id write more but atm i really dont want to get banned for giving details i shouldnt... as my arms heal i do wonder if i am scars, my pain all invisible from everyone's eye....
  2. ralyn

    ralyn Member

    the longest span i have gone without cutting is 5 months. and ive been dealing with it for the past 6 years. im 19 and have had so much crap go on. and i don't verbalize to anybody well... what im trying to say is ur not alone... relapsing sucks.. MAJOR!! but i believe once u cut u will always have that little voice that tempts you, and ull just have to be strong its a day by day thing.. must be the masochistic tendency in the human race is just more prominent in some of us... but as you go the voice gets quieter.. but it does come back louder at the shitty times.. just gotta learn to not listen.. im really not in the place to be giving advice but just to give ya something to think about....
  3. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    wear an elastic band on wrist to twang when you want to cut, it may not always work depening on your mood but its worth a try. i want to cut right now but have nothing to use (mate got rid of everything) so i am twanging away till it passes. you just need to feel alive and the twanging can work.
  4. ParodoxialShadow

    ParodoxialShadow Active Member

    Broken_Child, You need to know that you are not opening up to just anyone; you are opening up to people that are doing the same things, and feeling the same ways, as you. We do not all have the same problems, but here, we all have problems. THAT is why you shared with us; because we will understand.
    I know for a fact that if you don't share things like this, it is much harder to get better. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I get the sense that you didn't really "click" with your therapist, and so you did not share everything. I know how hard it is to fins a therapist, but what you really need is one you are truly comfortable with. A huge aspect of therapy is trust, and honesty. Maybe you should try to find a therapist you can really talk to? Until then, we're here for you, friend! *hug no clue if that emote will work, but it's there, either way
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