Relapsing think I need more help FAST

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kelly11, Dec 18, 2011.

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  1. kelly11

    kelly11 Member

    So I ended up in a psychiatriac ward for a week for depression anxiety and PSTD, I was feeling really low and did some stupid things and it eventually landed me in the nut house, I met some really nice people while I was there. The past few weeks on the new medication have been great but now I feel like im going back to that very dark place I was at before I went in. I'm meeting with my psychiatrist and dont want to go back to the hospital for christmas because I have a 4 year old son to look after. I think im going to end up going tomorrow and just saying that everything is fine just because I dont want to end up back in hospital.. I went in voluntary but they locked the door after I went in and took away all my laces etc and I just dont want to go back.

    I dont think the meds are working anymore and they only took me until I was stable on the meds I really dont want to go back.
  2. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    I know how difficult a ward can be. I've been in there for 5 months, for a psychotic depression.

    It's hard to say really what to do. Can you just spend a lot of time with your kids and try to have an good/ok time?

    The thought of going back to a ward is dreadful to me. But the question is, Do you personally think you need to be there?

    If I may ask, what were these 'stupid things' you did?
  3. Simon Dent

    Simon Dent Member

    if you think you need help then you do, i can understand why you dont want to miss christmas with your son, but think about it, miss one christmas or miss them all, get the help, if a hospital stay is needed then its needed, dont bottle it up it just makes it worse trust me
  4. kelly11

    kelly11 Member

    It wasn't that it was difficult it was more so really boring and I didn't like being on lock down for most of it. I tried to kill myself twice I just got so low but I didn't want to die I just did some acts really impulsively when I was alone (cant say how cause they'll edit it for ''method'')

    I realy needed the intervention at the time and felt the meds were really working. Now my heads all over the place, I cant concentrate or remember anything, I'm acting really weird I think it's the meds because they're anti psycotic aswell as anti depressants. I don't think I need to be taking them I feel like they're making me act weird.

    I dont think I need to be in hospital, well, I don't want to but as far as needs I really dont know.

    ---------- Post added at 09:42 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:39 AM ----------

    I know bottling things up just makes things worse but it's so natural for me It's how i've done things all my life.. I really need to change things fast because I cant go on like this for much longer. It's just so hard to admit that I need help, and I dont think I can say it to the psychiatrist tomorrow she'll put me back in for sure.
  5. Simon Dent

    Simon Dent Member

    ive also had a long stay in hospital and yes its boring, tbh it was the worst time of my life, but i needed it, i was confused, didnt know what to do with my life, was all over the place, one min i was fine then next i ws cutting huge chunks out of my chest, you said u need help FAST, if you know you need help then take it, think of your son, he is only 4 he wont remember if you miss one xmas, he will remember if you kill yourself
  6. kelly11

    kelly11 Member

    looking at the bigger picture i know your right I know I need help on this. I just cant accept that fact that I need it, I've never been helped in my life before I never sought help. Now that I have sought it I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for not being able to sort out my own problems, keep myself safe. It's so shameful for me.

    Im glad to have the support of this forum thought, It really saved me last time.
  7. Simon Dent

    Simon Dent Member

    i can understand that feeling, pride is a big part of most people personality, nobody likes to look weak but try and look at it this way, its takes a stronger person to stand up and face their fears, a stronger person to shout HELP, a weak person will hide away, be strong for yourself and your family
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