Relapsing....

[puffymilk]

Well, I call this relapsing... when I've been doing so well, but I suddenly think of my ex again, goes into the rabbit hole, trying to find everything about him, just because I, not being in the correct state of mind, miss him. I hate when this happens especially when it just happens randomly, out of nowhere. I know some people might want to give me advice of maybe meeting someone new, but to be honest for me it's not that easy. I just wish I could get through this without actually having someone new, if that makes sense. I wish I could go back to my old self where I never met him. I think my life would've been much better, much more peaceful.

Most of the time when that thought comes to mind, I just follow it through (looking him up on social media, re-reading old texts, etc), and I am not sure how to stop it. If I don't do all that stuff, it's like an itch that I'm dying to scratch, I need to scratch it SO SO BAD! Sometimes my friend reminds me of all of his crap, then I would feel a bit better. But usually that happens when I already reliving the memories. I do feel absolutely pathetic when that happens....

I just can't believe myself, because he's really really NOT a good person to date. My friend even told me that my life will be doomed if me and him get together (her trying to bring me back to reality, which I really appreciate). But somehow I still have this made-up version of him that I created in my head, like I'm some kind of crazy person.

 

[may71]

I think psychologists say that when someone falls in love, they create an idealized fantasy version of the one they're in love with. If you're actually with that person, that fantasy gets deflated sooner or later. If the relationship is a good match, the more realistic version of that person is still pretty good, even though there's a little disappointment.

It sounds like intellectually you realize your real ex isn't good, but the fantasy version was so appealing, it's hard to resist the attachment to it.