Hello. This is my first post here, not sure what exactly I want to achieve by posting here. My girlfriend left me. It'll be 3 months tomorrow. We split on friendly terms, no horrible arguing and shouting or anything like that. We live quite far apart and only used to see each other at weekends, and sometimes we'd get a week together or so if I got time away from work. I suppose that after almost five and a half years it just wasn't enough for her. She came to stay with me for a week whilst I had my parents house to myself. (I'm 23 but live "at home" as I'm in a low paid job and don't know what I want to do right now). I thought that everything between us was ok. She'd told me a couple of times before that she was unhappy, but she never made it clear to me what was making her unhappy. I just put it down to her having a hard time at home. Her father left when she was very young. Her stepdad appeared soon after. When she was 15 her mother cheated on her stepdad and kicked him out. She resented her mum for this, but was stuck living at home with her and they argued a lot. Me and katie got together when I was 17 and she was 15, so we were/are both quite young. We were together when she was going through college, and when she was leaving home and going to uni. Her mum sold the house out from under her when she went to uni, so she had no fallback if things went wrong, and this put a lot of stress on her, along with having a roommate she didn't like, and generally not getting on with people there. She always seemed happy when I was able to be with her and she was away from the things that troubled her. During the week she was here she finally told me that things between us were at a pretty bad place. She'd been worrying that our relationship wasn't working for the last 12 months. She thought that the week with me would put her worries to rest like it usually did... but it didn't. She told me that she wanted us to "spend some time apart". Now although we live about 90 miles apart, we would see each other most weekends and would chat on skpe every day for a good 5 or 6 hours. We thought we'd try a month, but then after a bit more talking and lots of tears decided that was too long, and said we'd try 2 weeks and then go from there. I found that I couldn't cope without her at all, and texted her a couple of times in the first week. After about 10 days I contacted her and wanted to talk to her. I asked her when I could next see her, and she said she wanted to see me the following weekend, which sounded good and put a smile on my face. Her next words hit me so hard. I was stunned and couldn't think. She said "Can you bring my stuff with you?". Uh oh. I asked her "are you leaving me?" but she wouldn't answer me. She we couldn't discuss it like this and that we'd talk about it at the weekend. That was 3 months ago. The first month was terrible and I struggled to sleep, to go to work each day, to eat, and just to not spend every second hurting. Since then I've been getting along much better, and generally I'll only have a couple of bad days in a week, and the rest are bareable; not good or happy, but manageable. I still think about her every day. I think I maybe go about an hour tops without my thoughts turning back to her, even when I try and distract myself and do things and keep busy. We still chat online occasionally, although we haven't for over a month now. I text her about once and week and she always replies and is friendly and we talk about general stuff. I feel a little bit happy when she talks to me. Bah. I just feel like shit so much of the time. There has been a lot of days where I spend my time at work on the verge of tears. I often think about killing myself. I know it isn't healthy. I've spoken to my mum about it a lot, but I can see it really hurts her. My dad doesn't understand, he just gets angry with katie which upsets me, and he gets angry that I'm upsetting my mum. I try not to let my sister see how I feel. She was very depressed for a couple of years, and only really got over it within the last 12 months, and she's recently met a great guy. He's great, and we all really like him, and they seem really happy together. I glad that she's got the chance to be happy after being so unhappy for so long. My best friend has had many failed relationships and bad breakups over the years, but he's recently met an older woman and moved in with her, and things are going great for them too. It's not thier fault, and I don't blame them for anything, but it makes it really hard for me to see them with someone and being so happy when I feel so devestated. I don't have many friends. There's my best friend, and he's great. We've known each other for about a decade, and we see each other atleast once a week. I have a few good friends that I met online, that I have known for around 6 or 7 years, and used to chat and play online with regularly. Most of those friends I don't chat to anymore, and most have moved on / drifted away. One friend that I had been relying on a lot to talk to and help me with these things doesn't speak to me anymore. He got fed up of me talking about "the whole shitty situation" as he put it. I love katie so much, and I know she knows. She said she;s sorry, but she just doesn't feel the same anymore and doesn't love me like she did. I don't really have anything left. I feel so alone. I just want her back. :'( I don't know what to do. Sorry for the long and somewhat disjointed post.