relationship break

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dunbar, Mar 13, 2011.

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  1. Dunbar

    Dunbar Active Member

    Hi, its been a while since ive been here.

    my girlfriend has just broken up with me. Thats would not normally be enough to make me suicidal but there is a lot more to it. I realised today just how much I hate myself. Im selfish and quite possibly the worst human being i could be. Will I change? I dont think so, im still the same as ive always been and i can predict exactly whats going to happen all the way through my life. I predicted this was going to happen.

    There is nothing left for me anymore, i want to find a reason to carry on but why should i if things will never change. you might say 'just change' but no matter what i try to change im still the same. I lie, hide things and get completely obsessed with things and neglect relationships. Even my mum tells me how bad i am at keeping in touch. and you know what? I hate keeping in touch. Right now I just want to be alone in a dark room and just stare into nothingness. I want time to just pass me by and forget about me.

    Reality is painful and i dont see that it can ever be any different
  2. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    There is a limit to what you can expect yourself to do. You would be selfish if you made demands on others and did not reciprocate. But it seems that others are making demands on you when you are exhausted. A lot of mothers nag their kids for not keeping in touch and it is often their way of saying that they care and love. So give yourself time to heal the wounds. Maybe listen to music, go for walks in parks, connect with nature. Just relax. Maybe you need to find people who are more like you, share interests. Take care of yourself. The world is a better place with people like you in it. You really are not worth hating .Trust me, I know people who are and I would love to have neighbour as nice as you.
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Dunbar, sorry about your love loss - but in the scheme of things its likely she was not 'the one'. Or if she is, then maybe you have to change yourself and win back her love.

    Maybe hating yourself, in 'some' areas of your life is just being human. I mean to say, we do keep changing as and when we recognise and correct faults in ourselves. I mean, if you are always late, you can be early, if your not well educated, you can learn to be.

    As for you being the worse person ever, I'm surprised someone so evil could actually find the time to post here, let alone feel down! Bad people. real bad people, are usually so egocentric that not liking themselves has never occurred to them! If you were so bad, you'd not give a damn about breaking up and be celebrating your freedom this very night - looking to hook up with any woman in the local sleaze dive of a bar.

    Your not 'bad' - just feeling depressed, which actually makes you judge yourself in a VERY severe manner. I ought to know this as I have a misspent youth and adult life which I can now see was the life of a lowlife! I'm not playing 'who was 'badder' than the next man' - we're not bragging about this stuff here, but sometimes you do bad things in life.

    To feel guilty about some things is great. It means you actually care a little and have some moral fibre. However, with depression there is a danger that the guilt is amplified way beyond proportion and you start to actually believe you should be hung drawn and quartered just because your like everyone else used to be at some time. Feeling guilty about lying is not a bad thing. What reasons do you have to lie? As a former lying *******. I can say that its far better not to have to be able to lie! This includes not lying to myself, which is perhaps the most difficult and were all the rest of the lies begin!

    Anyhow Dunbar, maybe your mum is right. They usually are. Like you I have a habit of not keeping in touch. In some ways it would be too difficult to keep in touch with people I've known (I'm in my forties, so...) But, if you don't keep in touch with people you miss out as even the best of friends will have other commitments and eventually won't bother ringing you because if people want to keep themselves to themselves, who are we to keep pushing it?

    Its easy in this day and age to text someone now and again to see what is happening. You should phone your mum and reassure her now and again. A couple of times a week, depending on her situation. Sometimes even married women can get a bit lonely in later years - seeing the kids all leave does leave a big empty series of spaces. Your mum doubtless gave up a lot of her social life looking after you - so at least keep her happy.

    Maybe phoning your women more often might have helped. That said, who wants to spend their hard earned or gained cash on extortionate phone fees? If only love really was free!

    So, before you don your black cap and sentence yourself to being burnt at a stake, or fried in a giant skillet (they used to actually do that) just bear in mind depression distorts logical thinking and reason. You cannot feel joy at things that would always make you feel some joy - so I'm guessing that your ability to judge yourself is also turned head over heels.

    Last but not least - you seem to have some special powers and might be able to team up with Uri Geller. You say that "I can predict exactly what's going to happen all the way through my life.". In that case, you ought to take up gambling ASAP - and email the peacelovinguy with the results of hockey, basketball, football or American football or snooker or anything. We'll form a little club here on the forum and you and everyone else with this amazing ability to see into the future can send us results and forecasts.

    We'll all be able to be depressed and miserable but with the bank hole in the wall playing orchestral music when we see how much cash we have to help others - and maybe buy a nice car for ourselves, spend a few weeks crying the blues in some paradise island and so on.

    But seriously mate, I know what you mean - we all get moments or periods of time when we 'know' what is going to happen. Truth is though, all we are doing is projecting what we feel now onto variations of the future. If you feel down, you feel like you'll fail exams, do bad at school, mess up relationships and jobs, plus friendships and other things. When something bad does happen (and bad things happen in life whether your depressed or not) then we seize that as 'proof' of our Uri Geller like ability to 'predict'.

    Nobody knows what the future will bring. However, if you spend a lot of time ruminating on the past and thinking the future might go wrong, it already has as every passing moment we fritter away was the future!

    You have options open to you. You seem fairly intelligent and will see the wisdom in talking things through with someone. Maybe you do have faults you do not like - but on a good day, odds are, you'll just put it down to the past, which we cannot go back and change. What we can change is ourselves, and the way we get along with other people. Some men live with their faults and often find a woman foolish enough to be some kind of a banister, holding him up. A man who is mean, might stay that way - always be mean, but you don't seem to be that way. You seem kind enough to feel regret so set aside feelings of guilt and concentrate on just getting your head together a little and reaching out to a few others.

    Maybe the doctors would be a good idea - medication might help if your really struggling and have been for a few weeks or more. you might find a few sessions at counselling puts your mind at rest. You can also try and set a few goals for yourself - study, work options, maybe passions you have on ice. Music, sport, writing, anything creative that you'd do regardless of getting paid for it.

    On the bright side, you can always get a good song when you lose a women.

    For example...

    Woke up this morning
    My women was gone
    My Prozacs gone up
    To 40 milligram
    Oh yeah
    Got the 40mg

    Hope I'm not being overtly cheerful. I don't feel like Coco the Clown much myself, but hope it cheers you up a little.
  4. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Whoa way tl;dr peacelovingguy.

    No one's going to say "you might say 'just change'" It sounds like you're just depressed, which is out of your control. Make a phone call to someone who can help you better than we can.
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