Decided to have a little rant today. It seems that as I get older I am having more pressure placed on me to have a wife and kids. Every time I talk to my family they say I need to find a woman and have lots of babies. Every time they do this I replay with how I will start after I am done with school. The problem is I am just about done with school and will have to either change tactics or tell the truth that I don’t intend to ever have a relationship. The truth is that many years ago I decided that I would never have a woman. At first I decided that it was because I had no relationship skills and that no woman would want me. Now though, I know it just doesn’t appeal to me. When I came to the university I got in to the local seduction community to build my relationship skills. It certainly worked, I am now far more confident with women and men, I can even attract women if I want too. In fact I have had a couple openly say they will sleep with me. Of those 2 women I somewhat regret not sleeping with one of them simply for the experience and the fact I was kind of rude when I turned her down. She was very beautiful and a nice person, I just have no interest in screwing anyone. The seduction community also helped me figure things out. First it showed me I have no real interest in creating relationships with other people. I’ve met people in class and in clubs and other places but none of them ever seemed worth my time. Currently I am in a university club for the sole purpose of having something to put on a resume. I don’t particularly like the people, and I don’t think they like me either. We are all polite but beyond the club I go my way and they go theirs. The few time I have interacted with them, for an extended time, I was made very comfortable. Second, the seduction community here helped me learn that I am asexual. One of the main things they teach is to always try to talk to women you want to have sex with. The problem for me was that I never saw women I wanted to have sex with. Yes I can tell that a woman is pretty, but the thought of sex almost never enters my mine. If I do want sex with a paticuler woman, it comes way after I have met them and have become comfortable with them. And even then I will never act on it. I personally find the idea of sex disgusting. The idea of being all sweaty with another person, sharing spit, sexual fluids and what is basically animal rutting is not appealing in my normal state of mind. There are times when I do get horny but I don’t want sex. All I want is to go to the bathroom and do what I must to relieve the pressure. Ok so I don’t want a relationship because I am asexual and most relationships involve sex I would likely not be involved in very often. Also it seems like most of the people I meet, no matter where I go, do not seem worth getting to know any better. Another issue I have is my own DNA. I decided a long time ago that I would never have kids. I was born with a lot of defects and my family has a history of other people having similar defects. Because I this I will never have biological children. Regardless of what other people say, having children when you know there is a good risk they could be deformed or that their children could be deformed should be a crime. I would never want one of my kids to have to go through the same bull shit I had too medically and socially. As everyone knows anyone who is not seen as right, even worse when it’s an obvious physical defect, will be taunted for no other reason than they are different. We do not live in a kind world. Simply put, I am not sure how I am going to explain to my family in the near future that I am an asexual genetic freak who finds it very hard to like other people. I think my best bet is to just come up with another lie.
You are probably going to get a series of replies from people telling you how to 'cure' yourself and find those you are really sexually interested in and want to have offspring with. But frankly, good on you for respecting your own desires. If you're not interested in sex and children, why the hell should you give into social pressure? If you feel you have to lie to your family to make them happy, maybe there is no other option. Some people really are so hung up on the prevailing social norm that says you have to have children that they might not be able to accept who you are. On the other hand, maybe your family will surprise you. In a way, 'coming out' as asexual is probably not too dissimilar from 'coming out' as gay. Is it important to you that they accept you for who you feel you are? If so, maybe you could gain more from taking the risk of telling them than by continuing a lie, just as many people feel they have gained from coming out as gay to their families. In the end, though, I have to admit I think these labels ('straight','gay','bisexual','asexual') are mainly just ways to manage the expectations others have of us, rather than reflecting some truth about us that is set in stone. If others have expectations of you that are wildly out of tune with what you want your life to be, why the hell should you waste your life pandering to them? You only have one life to live. If you've made the choice to live it (a relevant choice to have made on this forum in particular), might as well live it to the full -- and be honest with those you love, rather than telling them what you think they want to hear.
Relationships are not for everyone. Some people like being committed and some people don't. I don't see it as a huge problem and nor should your family. You have every right to live your life the way you want to. I would explain to your family that you don't want a relationship for your own reasons. If you want to explain more then do so, but really it is your choice. They should not be putting so much pressure on you as it's really unfair and obviously not what you want or need. I have a bf and actually sex is not something we do loads and loads (because of my past) but when we do it's nice. Saying that, we could easily live without it, so don't assume you must have sex in a relationship. And you can have lots of female friends, go for a drink and go home, it's the chavs that like to screw anything with boobs. Anyway, stand up for yourself hun. Make them back down and accept you for who you are :hug: xx
