Relationship issue

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by 1234567890, Jul 30, 2009.

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  1. 1234567890

    1234567890 Guest

    I'm seeing this guy whom I have a lot of feelings for. I'm starting to like him very much. I just recently started to let my guard down and now I'm paranoid as all hell. I don't know what's wrong with me. The moment I decide to genuinely trust him, I feel like I'm let down. He didn't do anything at all to me but I was talking on the phone to him and he mentions this girl that he knew and for some reason I get jealous and paranoid and everything else under the sun. I don't express it to him but I feel really bad about it. I feel crazy.

    What is wrong with me? I think I'm incapable of trusting anyone at this point. I can't even trust a guy that seems genuine enough. What should I do? Is there no hope for me? I feel like he will betray me at every turn. I'm not crazy enough to share these insane emotions I get with him, but I just know it will kill my relationship if I don't fix it. Does anyone else have this intense mistrust for others? And how the hell do I trust someone?
  2. Hideki

    Hideki Account Closed

    I'm not exactly sure what to do to help with this problem... Some people have the problem of not trusting people, and some people are too trusting. And sometimes people just have a gut feeling about somebody that may or may not be true. I know I'm not being helpful :( And I'm sorry. I actually have recently started to have my doubts about trusting a lot of people recently, I think it might be due to the fact of being screwed over so many times in the past. Me personally? I haven't found a way to get over it, except I'm pushing myself away from everyone. But I would not suggest that in your case.
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I don't know how long you've known him or have been seeing him...

    First, part of trusting others lies within ourselves: We need to trust ourselves to feel we're worth a good relationship and we need to trust our judgement of others. Trust of others is built up over time. Rushing into a friendship/relationship where we give a lot and find out later the other person doesn't feel the same way can really hurt. Being hurt in the past can make us slow to trust and that could push us to jump to negative conclusions about ourselves and/or the other person. Sometimes we jump to such conclusions because haven't really known the other person well enough or long enough.

    I think it's important to really get to know the person. When we learn that we can trust people with the small things (e.g., meeting up on time, calling if they say will, calling if they can't make a date, simple honesty) then trust starts to build. It might be an idea take enough time to get to know this person well before you pin all your hopes for a relationship on him. It's also good to make sure you know your own wants and needs from the relationship before giving too much of yourself to someone who might (or might not) be able to give you the same in return.

    Maybe you could simply take it slowly and enjoy learning about him and what he's like.

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