Relationship Problems...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by joelttVA1, Sep 28, 2009.

  1. joelttVA1

    joelttVA1 Member

    So I've been seeing this girl from work for several months now and its been great. We met through a mutual friend and really hit it off well. We have pretty much 90% of what we think, feel, do, and enjoy in common. Things have been wonderful and we've even talked about eventually moving in together and even marriage.

    That is, until 2 weeks ago. Her grandmother had been very sick for a week or so and 2 weeks ago she passed on. As a BF, I tend to think of my "specialty" being that of the comforter/protector type, but this girl I cannot console or comfort to save my life. I tried the flood of support, emails, phone calls, visits in person at late hours when she needed someone, etc...only to be told I'm being too "clingy", that she's a "big girl" and that she can handle it and will find her own time and place to grieve. Fine, I can do that.

    Then a week later I get a flurry of angry text messages from her asking "why I am ignoring her" and "I feel like you are neglecting me" - those types of things. Even simple or silly little things like my phone dying and me not being able to respond to her for 1/2 a day is causing some major rage to be thrown my way. I usually have a thick skin when it comes to this type of thing in general, but this person is the most important thing in the world to me, and the treatment I'm receiving is starting to piss me off.

    The last few days for example, my phone was dead and I had left it in my glove box [car] so it wouldn't get stolen. I slept in the next day till about 11 am and went out to get it and charge it back up. Upon charging up I found I had several angry messages from her asking where I was, etc. She then texted me regarding a medical issue, and said she would be going to a specialist in a day or two to get a firm diagnosis. I asked her several concerned questions about it, to which she responded "I'll have to see from the specialist". I wished her several times good health, to feel better, and that I would talk to her the next day after the specialist visit. I get a very angry call from her at almost 11 pm with her cursing and berating me about almost anything and everything. "Why haven't you called me" and "I am very ill" and so on and so forth.

    We were even in bed a few nights ago, I was holding her, and she full force elbowed me in the rib (its been sore for a few days) while she was half asleep and she muttered "quit grabbing my b*****"...I hadn't moved in over an hour and my hands were resting on her elbows/forearms.

    So here I am today, she isn't responding to any of my texts, I tried getting her on the phone and I got the 15 second "Oh I'm busy and I'll call you back later" routine. I personally feel like she is taking every opportunity to make big dramatic situations out of the most minute, often technical difficulties. Honestly I can't pinpoint the "why"...every date we've been on has been fantastic, it just seems she's trying to do everything she can to screw this up - what can I do?

    "Confused in VA"...
  2. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    That is... confusing. Im guessing a lot of it is just her coping with all this stuff in her life and taking it out on you. Next time you see her you just need to have a talk with her, tell her about everything you said here, see what her side is and what she says. Tell her you want to work it out, and work it out with her.
  3. joelttVA1

    joelttVA1 Member

    We usually get together Tuesdays before I go back to work...I'll try and bring this up then, if it happens at all. I got the impression from the way she hung up on me earlier today that she doesn't want any contact with me for a while.

    For anyone that looked up my past posts on SF, I don't want what happened before to happen again...I thoroughly love and cherish this girl, balls to bones and I don't even want to consider thinking about what I will do if I lose her. Thanks for the advice :)
  4. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Have you told her exactly what you just told us?
  5. joelttVA1

    joelttVA1 Member

    Not word for word, no.

    But about her seemingly taking out her grief in the form of raging on me immediately after her loved ones passing, yes, I talked to her about that and things seemed to temporarily get better. This most recent thing with the misunderstanding about the medical issue seems about 10x's worse; I am trying to get in communication with her, but all calls/texts have gone unanswered. How do you communicate with someone who has made up there mind about you and won't talk?

    I personally think that maybe just going to her house this evening in person, unannounced, might be too aggressive, but is that what it will take to get some face time with her? I am starting my 14 hour a day work week tomorrow and I don't want this hanging over me or her.
  6. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    She's being a bitch, and you're letting her walk all over you. If it were me, I'd say, "Look, I care about you, and want to know what's going on, but if I intervene I'm told you need time, if I don't, you think I'm neglecting you. Once you want to settle things as an adult, then contact me."
  7. joelttVA1

    joelttVA1 Member

    Phew...what a relief.

    The problem she is having (medically) is very serious and very painful, so she didn't want to communicate with anyone. I talked over with her several of the things I mentioned here and we ended up laughing about it at the end.

    That being said, everyone keep her in your thoughts and prayers - what she has has the potential of becoming Colon Cancer - she is going to a GI specialist tomorrow so lets hope for good results!
  8. Mr A and the sky pilots

    Mr A and the sky pilots Well-Known Member

    If shes treating you poorly, dont stand for it, regaurdless of what she has been through or is going through. I was very angry when i came back from iraq, and i was for 3 months. Then my girlfriend said "look if you dont stop it its over", consiquencly in 3 weeks, my anger had gone more then any army speicalist could make it go away. I still had medical issues, but i stopped being angry at her.

    Shes using you as a vent for anger because she as tested you can she knows you can be her emotional toy through out this. Dont fall for it, lay down the ground rules. And i hate to tell you it mate, but shes probubly not the one for you anyway, the girl for you is still out their feeling lonly, while your wasting your time on a girl who cracks you in the ribs WTF.