I know how it seems everyone just wants a relationship and hates loneliness but is there anyone like me who feels they are better alone and who cant handle that type of partnership? I never longed for a relationship, they would happen to me, and i was never able to put lot of myself into them usually ending with the other person doing everything to keep it going and my biggest problem was just breaking up cause id feel bad for them. I never thought there will be a situation where a relationship can take a tool on me, mess me up emotionally. I think i was mature intellectually to appear like i can handle things but i wasnt mature emotionally-- its not just age, i dont know why. But after falling in love and starting a real relationship my life and sanity degraded. I cant handle it emotionally, it is so difficult. I know it depends on a relationship but big part of the problem exactly was that i had to grow and learn everything and it was a painful damaging process on both sides. Love binds me with this person but i know id be happier alone, and if anything ever happens i dont think i would ever commit myself again. I also changed my sexual prefrence i think but thats another story. In many ways i feel i unintentionally tricked my partner and it is a painful realization. He is older and we bonded intellectually so he thought i was mature or my age (8 year age difference, no big deal). But its hard to live with someone who is in a different stage of life, its almost putting him in a position of being a parent to me in some ways whereas i am hurt cause instead of learning trough life at my own pace i have to hurry and learn and its often not a nice fun experience. But my specific situation aside, i wonder why people desire relationships and how do they manage to function and not lose themselves in the process if they are still relatively young and not fully formed and defined (20ies but even later). How do people accept each others differences and freedom and dont end up bitter and damaged? I dont know many good relationships that last, there seems to be much pain in most of them. I love my partner but i need to be my own master and i cant find that balance, cant be me without hurting him, and i dont know why its so difficult. I ended up so lost to the point where i dont even know who i am, what i want, and how to get to what i want. And since im not alone, every decision and every mistake has to affect someone else, even i its only my bussines. I cant even be depressed without the additional weight of hurtig him, and the other way around. How do people handle it and dont lose themselves? Specially if their life still isnt shaped and they have a lot ahead, like choices about career, living in a new place etc. For that matter why does anyone ever want children? I know for me it would be worse then dying and am glad that that is one thing at least i can be sure about that it wont ever happen to me. Am i insane or do others feel it too cause it seems like all everyone wants is these things.