Relationships Destroyed.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Deadly, Dec 2, 2014.

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  1. Deadly

    Deadly Well-Known Member

    2 Years ago I met a person online. She was on a forum similar to this but it deals with all kinds of messed up life situations. We connected. We became really good friends. Would call each other daily. Built out own mini support network. I was going through the throws of depression and heartbreak due to the end of "the relationship" she similar but also suffers with being bi-polar. Something then went wrong with our friendship. It happened suddenly. We drifted quickly. And things were said that were hurtful. I said things I regret so deeply. I miss that friend. I also see how selfish I have been.

    I do not know if it is in part my mental(ist) state that drives me to push people away. I have no idea. I just know that I have problems making and maintaining close friendships. And now am left with not 1 friend. So many regrets. Deep depression lack of confidence self esteem and total lack of self worth are so destructive. It can anilliate anything good around you. The proverbially "death wish" I wonder sometimes if I do this on purpose with intent. Is it that I have felt outside and isolated for so long that my ability to make a connection with someone is now totally shot through. Just random thoughts ... not sure if anyone will get what I am trying to say or even identify with anything I have said here. But if I could turn back the clock with that 1 person I would. Sadly the time has passed and that will now never be possible.
     
  2. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member

    Friends come and go I find, I've always found it hard to be close to people but this past three years especially. Only people who've suffered depression really understand it. I'd rather talk with random strangers right now than let someone get close, it's just how it is for right now! Hope you feel better soon.
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I get what you are trying to say, and I also can identify with it. I seem to have lost a lot of friends, and it's not easy for me to make them to begin with. The only close friends I have are from this site, because they can understand what I am going through. Sometimes I worry they will get sick of me, but so far so good. I know it can really be disheartening when you lose friends, but the right ones will come into your life, maybe even when you least expect it.
     
  4. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member

    When I first developed this latest illness I had a friend get mad with me because I cancelled our lunch date, no concern whatsoever just for herself, so I was pretty glad I hadn't told her about the mental illness stuff. I have two kinds of relationships now- the serious ones and the superficial, and I try not to confuse the two.
     
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