I have a great female friend I've known many years. We started off romantically, but it turned into a friendship due to some personal differences. She has a tough time with depression and thinks the answer may be another romantic relationship with someone else. She also mentions my questionable sexual behavior in the past. Had there been a gun in the room, I would've pulled the trigger. No relationships make me want to kill myself and relationships make me want to kill myself too. The conversation we had really rips my heart out. She's been my friend for this long and she feels I'm holding her back, preventing her from meeting someone new. Maybe I am. But I have no one else. The thing is, I'm psychologically very unhealthy and no good with healthy romantic relationships. I don't see any hope in the future of meeting anyone. I shouldn't really post this because I know you'll all say let her go. I can't. I can't relate to anyone else as a friend. You see, her anxiety and depression, her psychosis matches mine. As long as we're both sick, we can be together. When she gets well, gets strength and confidence to move on to another relationship, that's when my world will fall apart. And that time may come soon. I know deep down she has the strength to do it. It's selfish of me to prevent her growth, but I don't care. I can't stand being totally alone, surrounded by people I cannot relate to, being belittled by men stronger than me. Maybe I'd like her to be mentally crippled and depend on me for the rest of her life. Maybe I'd like that. It's better than not relating to anybody. Sorry to drone on and on, but this has disturbed me greatly.