Can I even call it a relationship? I wonder why this is happening to me. Why is it that when I try to love someone, when I try to help, it fails. Almost everything I do lately seems to fail. The one real relationship I am involved in, is failing also, and this has been the most important aspect of my life. I want to make her happy. Yet, when I try to, I get scolded, then I am put through fear that if I screw up again, she'll leave me. Meanwhile, I'd rather her leave me, so I can die. Why is that? Why would I rather die than try to be in a relationship? I think it's because I hate failing. I'd rather die than fail again. Everything in my life seems to be the way it is in order to prove to me how miserable my existance in this world is. Every rejection, every neglect, every failure, leading me to my ultimate decision. Hopefully at that, I won't fail. Goodbye.