Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Always Alone, Oct 30, 2006.

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  1. Always Alone

    Always Alone Guest

    How do you all fare when I comes to relationships? Dose your cutting hold you back?

    My girlfriend ditched me last week because she walked in on me while I was cutting. That was one of the worst moments of my life, the look on her face, it made me feel pretty bad. She told me she couldn't watch me do this to myself. That lasted for about 2 days, shes already with someone else, that makes me feel worse, I used to think she cared about me, but she cut and ran at the first chance she got.

    I've never had another relationship, I blame my looks, my height, and my personality. But that said I don't get the chance to meet many girls. I lost most of my friends a couple of years ago when I came out of hospital. I was pissed off that I couldn't even get that right, and I took it out on them. Without my friends I find it hard to meet new people, and my social skills are so far behind now I'm not sure how to act when I do.

    Every time a girl ever touches me, I jump back like I've been burnt. I worry that if I get to close, they'll find out what I do.

    I doubt I'll ever be with a girl again, I've got nothing going for me, and when you add in what self harm has done to me, there's not a lot any one would want.

    Cutting myself is part of me, it's a part I know, and I like that part of myself, but It's ruined so much.

    Has your cutting affected your relationships?
  2. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Cutting effects a lot of things really. It will screw your life up in everyway, shape or form if you let it. But yeah every relationship I have been in. It would be a good time to try and learn better, healthier coping skills. If you are interested in things you can try to replace it, just PM me.

    Take Care of yourself. :hug:

    ~With hope,
  3. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    I only started about 2 months ago.. so it hasnt really.. no1 knows im cutting right now, they all thought it only lasted a week and i got over it.. i did.. but i came back.. so no, not yet anyway
  4. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    umm im scared of relationships because of SI and scars but then im scared of relationships for lots of other reasons too so i dont know. but i dont know if all that would be different if i hadnt started SI although to be honest i dont think so. And yeah i agree, it does screw your life up in every way.

  5. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member

    I've cut throughout my relationships, but I confess to it, and I am usually admired for being honest, even though my girlfriends may have been scared shitless of what I am doing.

    My current girlfriend I have been with for about 9 months, and we haven't even met. I hope to not offend anyone with this probably quite generalised comment, but for the most part, I find Australian women to be truly horrible people. There are of course exceptions - I'm not that stupid - this is just my own experience, sadly. It may be painful with a girl that is not even in the same hemisphere, but this situation >>> being with someone I met at school or on the street or wherever, when they are eating at my wallet or rooting my best friend behind my back.

    I am considered to be "good looking" - blue eyes/long blond hair (very Aryan hehe), but I am physically fairly weak and only stand at about 5'5, maybe 5'7 at the most. In addition, I have basically no social skills either. I am extremely self-conscious, to a ridiculous degree - absolutely everything has to be against me. Every compliment is a mockery; every kind thing someone does for me has to be lulling me into a false sense of security while they stooge me behind my back, every sociable gesture by a new person has to be a kidnapping so they can take my money or do terrible things to my body.

    I have many scars on my torso. And honestly...I don't want them gone. At least for now.

    I absolutely love and adore xxxxx, but if this falls through...well that's it. I'm pretty much done for.
  6. jessie

    jessie Member

    I think the whole relationship thing is hard for the half that doesn't SI and has to watch us hurt ourselves while they are powerless.
    Maybe that is the worst part for them, the lack of power and control while that is what we (I generalise) crave through our SI.
    I have been harming for about 10yrs in various forms and in that time I have had 2 serious relationships, and both the guys have been angels to me to the extent they've patched me up, taken me to hospital or just lain with me until I felt safe. It helped that I got to know them both well first, so there was no shock horrors when they saw the worst of my little escapades.
    I do think you need to get to know someone well before considering a relationship, especially if your SI is still underwraps. I don't know.

    I hope you find someone that loves you for you and looks past the scars

  7. Always Alone

    Always Alone Guest

    I never though of it like that. They feel out of control, I've heard the I can't watch you do this to yourself line 1 to many times, but you just made me realize what it means.

  8. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    those are some pretty good comments jesse.
    I've been cutting for about 8 years or something. I've not had many relationships during this time. When cutting I also feel like I want to people to stay away from me. I always try to cover my arms and angle my body as to where people won't come close to my fresh wounds. However, I did some how manage to get married thru all this. She found out a year or so before we got married that I cut. She was shocked at first but I was lucky enough that she stuck around and helped me deal with my problems. I still don't ever take my shirt off , even during our "bedroom fun" I have a shirt on. I'm too embarrest to show my scares to anyone. Yet at the same time, like others have mentioned, there is something about them that I like. I don't want them gone, just yet.

    It's tough that's for sure. You just have to realize that it is still possible to have a good relationship with someone, but you also have to accept that due to our SI, it will take longer than normal to acheive the closeness of another human.
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