Relative's death doing nothing but making me full of regret

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Snipeyoas, May 12, 2009.

  1. Snipeyoas

    Snipeyoas Member

    This is one factor of why I am am suicidal. A while ago, my grandfather passed away. He was in his 90's. Yeah I know what you're thinking, he was old, so he probably had it coming. I guess that makes sense but somehow, I didn't see that coming. Heres the bad part. When I visited his home (actually my aunts home. She took care of him) my nephew would always be there. He was playful and active so I spent a lot of time with him. However, when he passed away, I realized how much time I spent time with him. Maybe 2 minutes at most. I can't even remember if I did spend time with him at all. My point is I regret never doing anything with him. I knew him all my life and did nothing. Now that he is gone, I wish I could just go back in time, and tell myself to atleast just spend one day with him. He was very religious and kind toward everyone. At the funeral, I tried to hold in my tears of why I did nothing, however I could only do so for so long... This is a major part of my suicidal thoughts. I'd say about 1/3 of the reason.
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Try not to beat yourself up too much about this. I had two very kind grandparents who used to come over our house say once every few months for several years. All my grandfather would do is hand me a bag of m&m's then go into the kitchen for a drink. I basically saw him as the candy guy, not as my grandfather.

    Later, I realized he just couldn't communicate, he did it by giving me candy. That's the only way he knew! I felt horrible for a long time that I thought of him like that and how I wished he could come back for one day so that we could talk.

    I think this kind of feeling is perfectly normal. We know much more now than we did then. I'm sure our grandfather's new we loved them in our own way.
  3. Lethal Photography

    Lethal Photography Well-Known Member

    I had almost exactly the same experience with my grandfather. If you want to PM me, I'm happy to talk.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya snipeyoas, :hug:

    I'm sorry for your loss.

    I think your feelings are quite normal. And so are your fears about not having spent enough time with your grandfather. It seems reasonable that an active young nephew requires "more" attention than a settled, senior person. (A different kind of attention?) I think that what you're feeling now is that in looking back, you're seeing "lost chances." When someone is gone from our lives, there are always "if only's" and "lost chances" and guilt associated with those can crowd out the reality of the good times we did have with the person. I am quite sure that your grandfather knew and knows now that you cared very much. Please, don't beat yourself up over this. The very fact that you visited family - your aunt, nephew and grandfather - is something to be pleased about and proud of.

    Be good to yourself. :hug:

  5. Snipeyoas

    Snipeyoas Member

    Wow that was actually quite encouraging :eek:hmy: