Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by MoAnamCara, Apr 10, 2013.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm not sure why I'm becoming hypervigilent at night time, but there have been evenings recently where even the ice maker dropping ice has made me hit the ceiling.

    Its an uneasy feeling. anxiousness. tightness & some pains in my chest.

    And so last week I started SH again. Tonight I tried to resist. Distracted doing some other things. But I didn't win and it has taken some time to slow the flow. Its so rediculous, I feel like crap.

    So, my release is done. But this isn't the end of it tonight. Its wanting more and more and more. So, obviously becoming an issue that was presumed to be situational previously. I know its getting to the heart of the issues that is important and thats underway. Maybe thats the reason?

    Sorry, talking out loud I suppose, not sure about it all. I just really need that release to help me atm.
  2. letty

    letty Banned Member

    MoAnamCara I understand that need for release, it seems that I cant go on until I do. I hope the uneasy feelings and anxiousness and pains in your chest go away if it gets worst maybe see a doctor? , what ever the issue is that causing this I hope you are able to work through it, I hope the bleeding has stopped, please be careful .
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I have this stupid unrelenting need again tonight. Preoccupied with this. Wanting to move to a different location than normal. Has to be hidden. Yes, I appear "normal".

    Wish I had access to some not good stuff tonight. Or maybe take some extra meds and then go at it. I should have opened btl wine earlier but was trying to avoid that. this is so crazy. But I need. :'(
  4. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Mo I'm sorry I was AWOL yesterday - not that I could help much but maybe...

    I hope you were able to resist further SH. You probably are getting closer to the real issue(s) ~ I'm told things (our emotions and ways of dealing ~ SH, food, drink, whatever our weapon of self hurting) can get very intense as we get closer to our demons (and hopefully closer to beating them away from us.)

    Stay safe Mo ~ talk to the doc if you need/can.♥♥♥
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