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releasing some thoughts...

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New Member
hi guys.

im a 32 year old male. i am happily married, VERY happily married, i have 3 beautiful children, i have an amazing profession ... all seems great from the outside and all around me...

to me...

my job is a huge choir, extremely stressful, constant pressure but ZERO support. extreme deadlines and the horrible thoughts of what may happen if I may do something wrong (dont want to give out too much info in case of exposing who i am, PM me if you want to know).
beautiful children. amazing children. every second of their life i cherrish and want to hold them.
beautiful wife, my high school sweet heart...

but things in my life have led me to mistrust her (txt msg's from an ex-boyfiend who was married at the time, and still is).. but what we have still makes me trust her..

when i get a chance to sit by myself, which is very very rarely (i.e. getting home from 10-14 hours at work, having 3 children to deal with) all is chaos (if you have kids you'd understand), i cannot relax, i get angry, i get emotional and i cannot tolerate any of it sometimes..

i have not, and ever will physically harm my family, its just not something i can comprehend.

but when i am alone.. when my wife and kids go back to see family/fiends while i need to work... i have extreme suicidal thoughts.. extreme to ME... in all honesty I have never come across another apparent 'suicidal person', this is all i know.... but to whoever is listening, my thoughts are knocking out the ceiling, finding the first rafter/roof member/truss and hanging myself... constant thoughts of hanging myself...

i also drink a lot, but only when my family is not around... i get bored, and i can drink up to 2 bottles (700mL) of rum/scotch/whiskey in a day... wine, beer, anything i can.. i will drink until i cannot stand.. my father (who was, and still is, a chronic marijuana/alcoholic) left our family when I was 4, and has never made any attempt to contact us since (he lives 20km from where we live now, but had his own life)... i invited him to our wedding, children's christenings (i am not a religious man, but i did this for my family) , and he attends, but does not contact me or my siblings...

all i want to know, are these thoughts normal?? i don't feel i will ever do these things, but they scare the absolute living fuck out of me if i did.. i dont want them to get worse

is this normal?

i dont want to offend anyone on this forum who has is worse than me, i feel i have an amazing life... i just want to know if these constant feeling i have are something I need worry about...


total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I think stress being overwhelmed no rest can all bring on suicidal thoughts. I think also you need to have someone to talk to about what you are going through. Talking to someone a professional will help you will get the emotional support you need to cope. Stress can be a very big trigger so if you can do one thing for you then do it okay Take only 10 min even in the day to do something just for you. If you thoughts are becoming more intrusive time to get help okay hugs


Well-Known Member
Great advice from total eclipse…

It also seems to me that the suicidal thoughts are actually a very strong message(s) for you to take a look at the stress in your life and see if some adjustments need to be made before too late…

Your job is already extremely stressful and your fear of something that might go wrong is useless and makes it even more stressful, which could be potentially the cause of something going wrong... Be aware of this and watch your fearful thoughts when they arise. Do not resist fearful thoughts. Just be aware and watch… You will see them diminish…

Is there anything you can do to reduce your work related stress such as cutting down some workload by taking less pay?

What seems to be perfect from the outside can be a blessing, but it can also be the opposite. When it seems so great from the outside, people tend to be more strongly identified with (much more attached to) what they have. They get their sense of self from the image about themselves their mind projects from what they have in their life situations. They may fear more that things may change but the nature of life is that things always change…

About your trust in your wife, you may want to talk with her and ask how she feels about your marriage, your work, your kids, etc… You know she needs a real husband, not just a bread earner…

About your kids, be aware that you cannot do everything. When you try too hard to do what you think you should do with your kids, you may just get more stressful, emotional, angry, intolerant…which is no good to either you or your kids or your relationship with your kids. Maybe see if you can just choose to do a few things with them which you know you would enjoy together with your kids…

I’m sure you know that too much drinking is not good to your health and your health is the foundation of everything you have…

Wish you well!
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