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Releasing the flood :-(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bagpuss18, May 1, 2011.

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  1. Bagpuss18

    Bagpuss18 Well-Known Member

    Just want to die. Keep looking at things and thinking "I'll do it that way". The only reason I don't do it is because I still believe that certain people care; but I'm starting to doubt that. I'm starting to think no one would care, and that I should just do it. I'm losing the fight in me.

    I have this horrible black fear inside me. It's a fear of loss. It's a fear of rejection, abandonment, loss, being left behind, being left alone... It's like it's been hiding all these years and all suddenly jumped on me at once.

    Everything's painful, no matter what. Every topic of conversation is painful; certain topics are worse than others because they make me wretch. The worst one is... so hard to say... but if I say it, it might get it out and help me. I've shut it away so long... The worst one is mother/baby stuff. Because my Mum's gone and she isn't coming back.

    I said it. I've cried and I've wretched and tonight is going to be the worst night ever and I don't think any one's around.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i will be around i am sorry for you loss hun i am please know you are not alone okay you can pm me anytime hugs
  3. Bagpuss18

    Bagpuss18 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I'm really not sure I can survive this. :sigh:
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi again you can survive it okay Your mum would want you to fight to heal right. You can get help ask your doctor to get you set up with therapy get on meds okay for depression they do help hun and you talk to me im listening i care I donot want you to feel alone. pm me anytime okay please reach out to your doctor and get some help let him or her know how sad you are hugs
  5. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    Hey, you can get through it, I'm sure your mom wouldn't want you to give up, so fight it. I know its hard, but try it. Get help from a professional if its needed, just try.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry for your loss :hug:
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