Relentless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LincolnToon, Feb 17, 2011.

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  1. LincolnToon

    LincolnToon Member

    Am sick and tired of feeling down. It never goes away and never will.

    I throw myself into work every day and give my all, but in the background is the fog of unhappiness; the demon that never leaves, despite the peaks of achievement and ecstasy of bringing happiness to friends and colleagues.

    Yes, I am one of those who thrives on bringing a smile to those around me. Does that make me selfish for needing the gratification that brings? Probably, and I apologise for the self-centred focus of my message.

    So,thats me. Self hate. Who am I? An individual with absolute, and I mean absolute, hatred of oneself. I detest myself with an absolute passion, and it never seems to end.

    It never stops
    It never stops
    It never stops
    It never ever ever stops.

    I do not have a solution and have no idea how to stop my head speeding from one thing to another. It just will not stop and after so many years shows no sign of abating.

    If anything the intensity seems to escalate. The depression is fairly controllable usually, unfortunately the increasing intensity makes one feel more and more susceptible to violence towards onself.

    Sorry but that is the way it is.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi LT ...many of us truly relate to what you have written...we carry with us the unmitigated voice of self-hatred which seems to come to the microphone whenever there is no white noise to drown it out...over the years, I have learned to listen to it less and let other voices take its place...but it is a constant struggle...thank you for sharing, J
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes i to have that self hatred thing deep inside my way out is to get help through therapy to help me change that distorted emotion and thought It is still there but it takes time to heal i hope you reach out and get help to heal you as well. it can be done but with help okay hugs
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I know once I hated myself. However, I only focused on the fact that I hated myself. I never really thought about why I hated myself. When I looked inward and tried to figure out why I hated myself. I found it was easy to see a reason to hate myself. I am currrently correcting that reason. It is not as hard as it sounds. Then the effect snowballs. Once I start liking myself for making myself better I like myself even more. Do not be afraid to take the first step. If you despise yourself, you have very little left to lose. Why not change and see if you like yourself more?
     
  5. LincolnToon

    LincolnToon Member

    Many thanks for your comments, it does help to hear other responses. Apologies for the late response, I have been away from the internet this weekend, and when I do get on my partner has no idea I am here. So I have to type quietly :)

    M
     
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