I had a dream about a week ago and it's kinda thrown me for a loop. Part of why I'm here, most likely. I was sexually abused when I was a kid by a female cousin 3 years older than me. Several times for about 2 years. Now I'm all messed up about sex & relationships and all that "stuff." So in my dream I was sitting on a couch, and she was sitting on the couch a little ways away from me. We're both adults here, not reliving childhood stuff. Anyway, she wanted me to come close to her. I didn't want to, but I felt powerless to say no. I laid my head on her leg, and she started cuddling me. I felt this amazingly peaceful and pleasurable warmth overcome my body, and I was terrified. Terrified because I knew it was sick and wrong and that I was setting back my recovery. But it felt really good, like exactly what I needed. I hate myself. I wish I was dead.