Hi to all here, I just found and joined this forum and here I am introducing myself and my situation. I'm not really sure if this will help, or how often/who will read anything here, but I wanted to give it a try. I also don't know if this is the right place for me, so please let me know if it is not. One of my good friends took her life in mid-November 2011, she was 23. She had bi-polar. I've suffered through depression, sometimes fairly severe, for nine years myself, and Melissa and I helped to support each other through the toughest times - though she always insisted on making sure I felt better before she did. I unfortunately had no idea the extent of her suffering until her first attempt in September. That in itself makes this hurt like nothing I could have ever imagined and I've been struggling more than ever to fight off the worst type of depression and the desire to go join her the past few months. On Monday, January 30, I was frighteningly close. I've been even closer friends with her father for over ten years (I met Melissa years after I knew him) which has made it even more difficult. He had become like the father I never had and I would also go to him when I wasn't feeling well and needed to talk. First I didn't know what to say to him, and now just recently he has (as one would expect) begun to withdraw and I can't talk to him anymore and hardly hear from him anymore when I used to be in communication with him several times a day, so it's almost like I've lost the two friends who cared about and respected me the most on top of permanently losing Melissa from our lives. Thus, increased struggles with my own depression with literally no one to talk to, no one left who respects how I feel or has any care to talk to me about it. Initially I was searching for ways to get recommendations on books or other resources that can help me (I've already been seeing a counselor for weeks), but perhaps this forum could help me other ways too.