I haven't slept in so long because of this.
For the past week I've been having this.. dream. I can't even call it a dream.
I see myself. A child, I'm like a ghost watching myself. Everything is going by so quick. It's not just 'anything' that's happening, it's my entire life flashing before me.
I've relived everything. Being bullied, being beaten, abused thrown around.. I relived my mom's death when I was 9... I relived me beating someone almost to death because I snapped at them.. I've seen everything I've ever done.
Then it stops suddenly, and I see myself about 25 years old. (I'm only 18 right now) I'm a wreak. I've lost everything and everybody, my cat and my guinea pig (the only things I'm living for) are dead... Everything just stops for a second and I pick up a shotgun...
I always wake up to that loud blast. And it's not any normal blast, it's as loud as a gun (I go hunting a lot).. I wake up in tears, my ears ringing and my head pounding with pain.
What's wrong with me.. why am I dreaming this...
For the past week I've been having this.. dream. I can't even call it a dream.
I see myself. A child, I'm like a ghost watching myself. Everything is going by so quick. It's not just 'anything' that's happening, it's my entire life flashing before me.
I've relived everything. Being bullied, being beaten, abused thrown around.. I relived my mom's death when I was 9... I relived me beating someone almost to death because I snapped at them.. I've seen everything I've ever done.
Then it stops suddenly, and I see myself about 25 years old. (I'm only 18 right now) I'm a wreak. I've lost everything and everybody, my cat and my guinea pig (the only things I'm living for) are dead... Everything just stops for a second and I pick up a shotgun...
I always wake up to that loud blast. And it's not any normal blast, it's as loud as a gun (I go hunting a lot).. I wake up in tears, my ears ringing and my head pounding with pain.
What's wrong with me.. why am I dreaming this...