It's always about the same. Someone close to me betrays me and tells me to my face how much they hate me, how pathetic I am and laughs at me while I sit there crying. In my dreams everyone in the entire world is disgusted with me and wants me dead. I have no one to rely on, no one I can trust. Sometimes they chase me with snails (I have a terrible phobia) or throw them at me while I cry and beg them to please please stop. They laugh at me and keep going. A lot of times I'm being stalked, they try to get into my house or they chase me and I run ridiculously slow, can barely move like I'm glued to the ground. Most of the time I end up killing them very violently like stabbing them a 100 times, stabbing them in the eye, shooting them in the head or one time I even split someone's scull (which was a friend of mine that tried to kill me) with a rock after I kept hitting and hitting him with it. Only one time I was actually killed in a dream and as my soul, I guess, was floating up in the air, I watched him rape my dead body. I have even raped my own dead body before. Then I wake up and feel like shit for the majority of the day and am angry at the people (friends, family) the whole day bc part of me really does mistrust them after what "they did to me" that night. I've done that since I was a child. I'm tired of this shit every night.