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Reopenning the door

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Meander, Oct 17, 2009.

  1. Meander

    Meander Active Member

    About 3 years ago, I was having serious issues and found myself strongly tempted to end my life. I signed up for this forum back then to try to get some perspective; to remind myself that I wasn't really alone in how I felt. 2 years ago, in April, I was doing a lot better. I rarely thought about death and wasn't really depressed anymore. I proposed to the girl of my dreams and she accepted. Lately she's been having a rough time of her own. It pretty much started when her father moved back into their house. She grew up in verging-on-homeless poverty and her father is a compulsive hoarder, a complete dead-beat and sometimes verbally abusive. She moved in with me back in August. Since then she's lived under her own pall of depression. I can still make her smile and laugh, but it only lasts a few minutes before she lets out a sigh and puts on that face that makes me start to slip back to what I used to feel before I had her. And, of course, the thoughts of suicide have been coming back with the feelings. The first time I got better because she was there to save me. She knows how I was before but now she needs support to keep her from giving up on school. But since I can't deal with my problems alone, I hope you on here will listen to my endless kvetching. And, if possible, can you offer any advice about whether I should tell her I'm backsliding? If so, how should I go about telling her? I can't just come out and say it; she'll just blame herself. Sorry about the long post, but I haven't told anyone about my feelings in a very long time.
  2. HaveNot

    HaveNot Active Member

    All I could say is to not give up! I wish I was in your shoes man, but I'm not. I have my own problems to deal with and one of those problems is one that is really hard to change. If you read my post above you or just read my signature I'm sure you'll know what my problem is but I deal with it, damnit and just hope for the best. As for you and your girlfriend; actually all I can say is man your lucky to have someone to love and hold when your lonely. I wish I at least could have a girlfriend but due to yrs of size insecurities issues and being a virgin I'm all alone on this road called life. I know there brighter days just above the horizon so stay focus. Wishing all the best! HaveNot
  3. Meander

    Meander Active Member

    But I can't hold her when I'm lonely. I have to avoid letting her know when I'm down or she just blames herself for it. I feel like there's nothing I can do to help. I hate feeling powerless. I feel like I should know what to do. I was as bad or worse just a few years ago and yet there's nothing I can do. I gave up on suicide because I wanted to make her happy. Now I'm failing at the only goal I've ever had and there doesn't seem as much a point in fighting my desires anymore. I'm slipping back and I can't ask anyone I know for help, for fear she might find out. I truely, honestly, literally hate myself for keeping this a secret from her, but she needs help more than I do right now. Once she's gotten better, I'll be able to start working on getting myself better too. For now, though, I really need some advice. I don't know what I should do.