Report

[rachypooh]

i got a phone call from the police the other day, i have an appointment on friday at 10 to talk about the rape which happened a few months ago. the woman on the phone asked me a heap of questions and i just got so worked up i had a panic attack in the car, so i wonder how i am going to handle it on friday, just got to remember to take my puffers with me just in case.

this is really scaring me and confusing me. I dont know how i can follow this through when i have no idea of this guys last name, where he lives, what he drives and i have no proof because i waited 3 months to report it. so im pretty much stuffed.

 

[silverflash]

I think that you are pretty brave to have been to the police. I was raped over 20 years ago and never reported it to the police. I thought that I could just get on with life. I did - until a gynaecological internal investigation triggered TOTAL HYSTERIA!!!!
Since then I have paid the price for not having dealt with the rape when it happened. I feel hysterical and suicidal most of the time now. I have lost my self confidence and self esteem. I suffer panic attacks when I am out of my comfort zone and worse of all, NOBODY can help me to deal with all of this.
Good luck for Friday. I really hope that it goes well for you.

 

[Isa]

Sounds very familiar silverflash.

Its been 5 years since my one year relationship with a rapist pedophile... maybe the police will have some kindof closure for you, i hope so

 

[allofme]

i hope things will work out well for you.. it is my experience that the police will not follow thru with a case if they dont think it is winable... sad but true so they may know some things you do not.. just do what you can and the police are professionals and should be able to help you out... what ever the outcome .. just know that u r taking back your life and that is the most importaint thing here... keep us posted... and i wish you the best

 

[silverflash]

So how did it go? I'm sure that you did well. You are very brave for going to the police.
A big hug and take care.

 

[rachypooh]

Well I guess it went ok. I was there from 10am til 1pm and still didnt get finished so I have to go back in on wednesday.
We just went over how this guy and I met, and the first time we met about two years ago and from what I was discussing with the officer, she believes that the assult three months ago wasnt the first time he did it to me, and he possibly drugged me on both occasions, as I dont remember most of the night, either time to be honest. I have to go over my current statement when I go back in there on wednesday.

Um it was very very very tough on my emtionally and physically to as I was in so much pain, I had to actually go home and get my pain killers, half way through, which wasnt too good, but she understood. Shes even given me some homework, like finding out my brothers make of car, when i broke my arm. And keep looking for his email address. I might even have to take the computer in for them to look at.

I had a follow up appointment with the gyno on wednesday after the surgery was done after this miscarriage. He told me some shocking news which I dont think has really sunk in but apparently I was carrying twins earlier in the pregnancy and I lost one five weeks before the other, I didnt know they could even find that out after the babies were gone, well anyways I am learning to deal with it, I know my babies are in heaven with my other little one and they are there waiting for me.

 

[silverflash]

Wow - All in all it must have been so difficult for you. I am glad that the officer was understanding and that although it wasn't easy, you survived. Good luck for next week - Remember - You are a braver woman than I am.
Big hugs!

 

[rachypooh]

I have only just spoken up about abuse/rape from childhood, and I only realised something had happened when I was at the gyno's and they wanted to do an exam and I refused, I just felt so weird, I didnt know what was wrong but knew something had happened. It was so hard, then of course all this crap happened so I had more to deal with. There are no rape services here in town which makes things even worse. I am so frustrated with all this. I just wish I kept my mouth shut about the whole lot. I might just skip the next meeting and pretend like nothing has happened. No harm in hoping. Shit...Shit...Shit...Shit...Shit...
Stuff it I give up, I'm no stronger than anyone on here

 

[silverflash]

I too have no access to rape crisis and I am glad to hear that I am not the only person to have refused an internal examination by a doctor. Keeping your mouth shut though is not the answer. Please go to the next meeting.
Please be brave.

 

[gentlelady]

I am proud of the steps you have taken rach. As with silverflash, I never reported mine. I allowed it to remain hidden for over 30 years and am now having to try to deal with it as well as other issues. I have no support services near me either. You are a strong person to report what happened and follow through. Don't give up. I have faith in you. :hug:

 

[rachypooh]

I dont know how I am going to handle it on wednesday.
I was asked straight out today if I was raped and I automatically shut down, and went all quiet and withdrawn and it took a while for her to get a word out of me. I am hoping I can handle it, I dont have any one that can go with me to support me, so I have to deal with it on my own.

I have no faith in me, when I was talking about it today I just couldnt, get the words from my head to my mouth and speak them out loud. I dont know how I am going to be able to go through it all again when I had so much trouble going through it the first time with them. But I know if I dont give them as much detail as I can, he might turn around and do this to someone else if he hasnt already, which wouldn't surprise me if he had. I will go to the meeting but I dont know how much help I am going to be for them. I am really starting to think that I was drugged, at least the first time I met up with him, because one minute I was dressed, the next it was the next morning and I was half naked, so I have no idea what happened that time. I had suspisions but wasnt too sure, because I felt so out of it before I was even there, and I woke up with a headache the next day which was the only thing that made me feel something was up and the whole missing clothes thing. Oh and he was naked but I couldnt be too sure about that either because I had lost about 10 hours of time. Anyways I should shut up now. Talk to you all later

Rachypooh

 

[rachypooh]

Ok so i had an appointment at the police station at 12.30pm and three and a half hours later I finally got to leave.
We went over what I had discussed last week when I went in there and I had to fill in the blanks, and I also had to go back over the initial statement I made a few weeks ago.
I kinda went weird on her as well, couldnt think straight, couldnt rememeber anything that I had said previously. Complete mental blank, I couldnt elaborate any futhur on what I had already said, and I pretty much gave two different stories which was crap. I couldnt make anything out. I pretty much forgot it at soon as I said it the first time.
So two days, six hours, twenty pages, two offices, four phone calls, two pictures, two computers. So many mental blanks and tears and shakes and a couple of asthma episodes and I finally finished what I set out to do.
I chose not to follow it up as my mental health wouldnt be able to withstand the questions and court process. As I have already had several problems over the past few weeks since first reporting it, I have start dissociating more and more, self harming more often. Having more crisis calls to my house.
I have been told about a counselling service that I can get in contact with but the officer is going to see if they can get in contact with me and not me with them because I dont want to make the initial call, as the phone terrifies me. So if they can call me it will make me feel better. So I will have to wait and see.

I guess I am glad that I finally got this out of my system and it is possible that I can follow up on it at a later time, maybe when I am stronger emotionally and am more able to deal with this all. Maybe after I have been in therapy for a while and have learnt to deal with things in a more productive way.

Sorry just crapping on now.