Resting on the Fence

[reborn1961]

I sometimes find comfort in "the fence". It is a place where I do not have to do anything. Right now I am perched on that fence facing a single choice. I can either suck it in and move on in life and in new surroundings or I can choose to harm myself.

I have been on this fence before so I know the routine. The timeline is short as it is dictated by external events this time. I think I can truly understand being bipolar as it feels like I have two sides. The question is which side will win. I find it rather odd that as I face a difficult choice I am actually not depressed this time. It all just seems so matter of fact like picking what to eat.

Perhaps if we sit on the fence to long we lose emotion. I know for me my feelings are numb, neither happy nor sad, just in limbo. What does one do when on the fence aka in limbo?

 

[bombeni]

I know what you mean, I think after so many experiences that leave us hurt and in pain, our self-preservation instinct causes us to shut our emotions off. I think it is that way for lots of people, whether they are bipolar or not. Also, as far as harming yourself, just try putting it off for one day. That is something I have worked on, my motto now is "just for today" -- then tomorrow you try again, just for one day. Well I send good thoughts your way and hope you get thru this.