rethinking my promise to eldest daughter

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by theleastofthese, Mar 17, 2009.

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  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    that I wouldn't kill myself. Everything is bleak, useless, and so am I. All I have to do is find a good home for my dogs and that's it. My kids have another parent they can go to, who does better by them than I ever did. As soon as I can find a good home for my dogs, I'm out of here. Sick of hanging on every damn day - and for what?? My life only gets worse, never better. Sick of waking up every morning only to go thru each horrible day and cry myself to sleep every night. I'm sick of it all and want to put a quick end to this misery.:sad:

    I'm on meds for depression and anxiety and bipolar - and things seem worse than ever. Sick of always being depressed. Just sick of everything.:sad:
     
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    :hug:

    You got to try and stick up to that promise..

    yes your kids have another parent to go to, but they need you aswel!

    please hang on there!

    Is there anything i can do for you?

    :hug:
     
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    NO, there's nothing anyone can do. I'm just marking time until I have a good place for my dogs. I don't care what it does to my kids. My being their mom hasn't been very good for them either, so best to be done with it.
     
  4. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    You have to put your children first before your own wants. It's too late to think about wanting to end it when you have little people you put on this earth that you're supposed to care for and love no matter what. I'm sorry to say this, but wanting to kill yourself when you have children is selfish.
     
  5. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    So I'm selfish then. Add that to my other faults. And my kids are not "little people" - they're all grown now and know me well enough to not be surprised by my sudden exit. Thanks for telling me how selfish I am. That helps a lot - NOT.
     
  6. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    Hi sweet :hug:

    You're not selfish - you're human and have thoughts and feelings that can seem overpowering. The question is how to find a way through that haze without suicide.. That may seem an impossible taks right now - I can understand that. Has anything made you feel worse? Is it worth getting your meds changed? I wish I could be more 'useful' but the very best I can offer is a shoulder and an ear. And that shoulder and ear will be there whenever you need it. Pain, whether physical or mental, is painful and blinds us to everything but what we're going through. Remember your ENTITLED to be you - just know that there are people you can reach out to when you need to.

    Thinking of you

    Ellie
     
  7. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    When I joined this forum, I didn't care much for either of my parents. Hardly spoke to either of them in 20 years. I'm actually on really good terms with my mum now, she's a bit odd I guess but hey who isn't.

    I actually care a lot about my dad too, I'm not sure I'd ever tell him, he'll probably die thinking I hate him. I guess I do hate him, but I love him too... I wish I could know them, I wish they could know me. But we never will. Doesn't really make much sense I guess.
     
  8. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    This is baloney and you know it. Your daughter made you promise not to harm yourself for a reason. And you made that promise. Promises are meant to be kept. In fact it was the word "promise" that made this thread stand out to me since I'm someone who always keeps my word if I can no matter what.

    But I don't mean to sound completely harsh. You're obviously in a lot of pain. I'm not ignoring that. Here's my thought on that. I don't know what you may need out of life right now (and don't say "nothing" because that would be a lie) Think about what you need and take a chance on going for it. You're willing to take the ultimate chance on death why not take an ultimate chance on life and do something you've been afraid to do before?? Maybe there's a person out there you've wanted to take a chance with but have been afraid to. Just take that chance. It might work out it might not, but it's worth a chance. You can always kill yourself later but you have to be alive to take a chance right now and it might work out.
     
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