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Retirement and loss of self

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#1
I ruminate about the wisdom of retiring when I did, but it had to happen sometime. It is very hard to lose the value of a professional self. I often feel belittled by people I have known after retirement who assume that I am incompetent at things simply because they find me unimpressive. Last night I was on zoom conference where the question came up about writing something we did that I spearheaded. While they assumed I could draft something I was asked to run it by 3 people for editing. What was I supposed to do- say I used to write professionally and circulate my publications? Insist I a small tinny voice that I didn't need all this help? I usually do ask for people I trust to look at dfats, but this means taking walks and gives from people I don't particularly trust and who don't respect me. I will go on with this now because I don't want attention about this, but it feels like parts of my self have cracked and broken off.
 

Lekatt

Love Cats Love All
SF Supporter
#2
Been retired for 18 years now. I have found others things to do that I like. Being a writer you could write for others on different subjects, you would be good at it. No reason to feel you are any less because of retirement. I think older people are thought of as "not as good" as they used to be by the young. But what do the young know that we have not already experienced. Love
 

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#3
Thanks for your kind words. I do think of writing more but I was hypersensitive when I wrote that message. Now I am a bit embarrassed. It happens to everyone to some extent and I will try to accept it. Hope you are doing OK, it was a very thoughtful message and I appreciate it.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#4
I ruminate about the wisdom of retiring when I did, but it had to happen sometime. It is very hard to lose the value of a professional self. I often feel belittled by people I have known after retirement who assume that I am incompetent at things simply because they find me unimpressive. Last night I was on zoom conference where the question came up about writing something we did that I spearheaded. While they assumed I could draft something I was asked to run it by 3 people for editing. What was I supposed to do- say I used to write professionally and circulate my publications? Insist I a small tinny voice that I didn't need all this help? I usually do ask for people I trust to look at dfats, but this means taking walks and gives from people I don't particularly trust and who don't respect me. I will go on with this now because I don't want attention about this, but it feels like parts of my self have cracked and broken off.
Are those zoomers really such pompous asses or is it more to do with how you may be viewing yourself right now? I know you replied that you were feeling particularly sensitive at the time of writing your original post but I wonder was that due, at least in part, to their poor treatment of you? Give yourself the benefit of doubt here. Maybe they're not the best people for you around & why waste another minute giving your precious time to people who don't value it?

And besides, being a writer, you never really do retire! Anything creative gives you so much room to explore. It's a process I don't imagine stops just because a certain milestone is reached. You don't need to stay anchored to that bunch of lackeys either. Hope you're doing good today.
 

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#5
They are very pompous asses. However I did overreact. I felt sorry for myself and googled me just to see I used to be a person. Then I got a grip and it was OK. My blurb was so full of typos that you are a genius if you could understand it. I want to keep writing but years of writing technically kind of drummed all the creativity out of me. I should try anyway - I need to feel some kind of forward movement or stagnate and die. Thanks for your kind response.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#6
They are very pompous asses. However I did overreact. I felt sorry for myself and googled me just to see I used to be a person. Then I got a grip and it was OK. My blurb was so full of typos that you are a genius if you could understand it. I want to keep writing but years of writing technically kind of drummed all the creativity out of me. I should try anyway - I need to feel some kind of forward movement or stagnate and die. Thanks for your kind response.
Just some food for thought. Made a mistake a while back. It cost me a lot legally, etc. Anyway, I'm trying to be positive in answering here.

I'd be happy to Google myself and see typos, even if I did put years of hard work in to career or family. There's the misfortune of people, myself that google and come up with a past of arrest and it follows you. I dont care because it's in the past but when felonies, misdemeanors, and shit follows you and destroys your reputation and has an impact on how one's children look at you, that's real. This triggered me. I know of others that this has happened to and the mental anguish is real. The hiding and money involved, destroying of careers and set back of life. I'd be happy to Google my name and have no problems with a few typos
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#7
I ruminate about the wisdom of retiring when I did, but it had to happen sometime. It is very hard to lose the value of a professional self. I often feel belittled by people I have known after retirement who assume that I am incompetent at things simply because they find me unimpressive. Last night I was on zoom conference where the question came up about writing something we did that I spearheaded. While they assumed I could draft something I was asked to run it by 3 people for editing. What was I supposed to do- say I used to write professionally and circulate my publications? Insist I a small tinny voice that I didn't need all this help? I usually do ask for people I trust to look at dfats, but this means taking walks and gives from people I don't particularly trust and who don't respect me. I will go on with this now because I don't want attention about this, but it feels like parts of my self have cracked

I hope you start to feel stronger. Everyone has value although we dont always like it. I'm sorry for the rant. I question google, especially since they're the most powerful company in the world and yield control over people's lives and even our politics.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#8
@Ivy100 try to be gentle on yourself as retirement is a transition and so often we identify ourselves so much on our careers/jobs/professions as being the core of who we are...but we are really so much more than that...so give yourself the time to explore your creativity...perhaps there is a virtual writing group you could join in your area... sending you hugs.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#9
@Lane I agree with you that with the advent of google etc. our pasts are always there...admit liked it better when it was just we who had to make peace with our past mistakes/misfortunes etc etc. I believe that our pasts may define how we got to the here and now but do not define who we are now...as we learn and grow because of them if that makes any sense...sending you hugs
 
#10
I think everyone’s lives transition through a number of stages and phases. Each one defines us at the time and are often difficult during the transition stage. This is not reserved purely for children. Each time there’s an adjustment period, some easier than others. Some taking a long time to feel comfortable with this new you, both the way you perceive yourself and how you believe people perceive you. Retirement is a very difficult change. My recent one has been most of my children leaving home and no longer having that all consuming role of mum. We will always be who we were in the past, that will remain with us. But give yourself time to find where you fit as the new and hopefully improved you. Take care. Xx
 

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