past few days ive been trying to grasp all that has gone on with family and friends mostly; but the orginal problems lurking just beneath the surface. I have almost completely left depression tribe, it has been incredibly hard to do. i knew i was addicted to the site, to the people but its been hurting me and others and i couldnt let it go any farther. The dreams are getting intense again...violent...and i dunno why. I used to have recurring violent dreams now they are just as bad but not about my mother anymore, about me my life and the people who used to be in it. I kno is im retreating back to the confines of my own mind. It's just better this way, safer for everyone. Ive begun burning again...more than a lil bit; enough to make me sick for hours...i just dont care anymore. things hurt more than words and if only i could make people understand that at the moment going to see a professional is not possible, family wise, financially, and out of fear. i have thought of suicide a lot lately...how and when but at the end of the day im still right here and in pain. so many times i wish to speak out to release but once in a chat-room to i get onto messenger and i look at the names of the people online, i know i cant do it. I kno that i cant put how i feel into words. in simple terms its not worth their time.