Returnee to the forums

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thebaronspell, May 17, 2011.

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  1. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I doubt many of you will remember me or not but I'm sadly returning. Couldn't contend with the problems I had before I left and my relationship with a girl I was dating hasn't worked out. Trouble is she was the only person who understood me but now we are so distant I have nobody to talk to anymore.

    On the inside I'm dying but I manage to put on a happy face for everybody and it seems like all the girls I try to talk to and meet think of me as some kind of clown.

    The root cause of my issues stem from my childhood and it's a long story but I managed to find my Father's number recently but he has barely bothered to respond and he didn't even wish me happy birthday on my 21st. I haven't seen him in ten years but he always visits his other children from what my half sister has said so I feel like it's my fault. He has six children but hasn't bothered with me, my brother and little sister. The three other kids are from two different relationships.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    how your dad feels about you and your brother and sister may have to do with how he feels about your mom. it's not fair to you, but I think that often times parents act like that

    why are you distant from your ex?
  3. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    It hasn't because he has treated all his partners the same, badly. My Mum warned him shortly after my sister was born that if he kept coming and going out of lives like he had done previously he was never going to see her grow up but she told him that he could see us whenever he liked but he just hasn't been bothered. I'm not sure I can keep the pain and anguish inside much longer, I've never been able to talk to my friends as they've all got perfect relationships with their fathers. Least I've ever expected was a birthday card each year. Surely that isn't impossible? I can't talk about it with my Mum because it would make her feel bad because it would be like a snub to all her hard efforts to raise us up on her own and also that he has done some nasty stuff but I was really too young to remember this. I have no living grandparents and I didn't know them growing up either so it's not like I can talk to them either.

    I felt I couldn't talk to my ex because she kept changing the subject when I spoke about myself. I tried hard to care about the fact her Dad died three years ago but he was in his early 70's and because I have no emotional ties with my own it is hard to comprehend her mindset. Mine is nearly 50 and I've just turned 21 and I've missed out on so much. All I ever wanted was somebody to play football (soccer) with and somebody to get advice on women from but I've been totally screwed over by whoever decided I was worth being created out of the million odd sperm they picked me.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I wonder if you tried writing a letter to your ex.

    Maybe you could explain why you couldn't relate to what she was feeling, and tell her about your own experience. It doesn't sound like you were trying to be mean or ignore her feelings, so maybe she would understand

    I think that maybe the coming and going thing that your mom said to him may have made him react. He may have treated all of his partners badly, but it still might be something about him and your mom that has made him like this

    I've heard a lot of other people who didn't grow up with their dads say how much they wanted to have a connection. I grew up with my dad, and I hate the bastard. I wish I had killed him a long time ago. The thing I remember about him is yelling at the top of his lungs until he turned beat red, always bullying to try to boost up his ego. What a fucking piece of shit!

    Now, if I hadn't grown up with him, maybe I would have felt really bad. I can't really see things from that perspective though. All I can say is that I wish my dad had never been in my life, I envy the thought of having grown up without him

    Missing a positive father in your life is certainly understandable. Your dad kinda sounds like a prick though, so I think that there is a good chance that you were better off without him in particular. What is too bad is that you didn't have a good father to be in your life.

    Maybe it would be better for you to be angry at your father for being such a bad father rather than being sad about his absence?

    I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way. :(

    Maybe you could talk to your mom, or to your siblings about how you feel? I don't think your mom would take it as a snub if you told her how you felt. I think you could say something like, "I know that you worked so hard to be a good mom and I appreciate what you did, but still feel like not having a dad left something missing".

    maybe you could also tell her about feeling suicidal?
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2011
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i am sorry your father is missing out on having a relationship with a great son like you and your sibling too. My father did the same left all 8 of his kids never once cared started anew life with someone else. I would sit down write a letter put in it everything you wanted to say to him and mail it. It does not matter if he responds or not that is his doing. What matters is you got to say the things you needed to say to him . I am sorry i know your sadness and pain and why a father chooses to leave his children i will never understnd Hugs to you
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    just wanted to say welcome back

    SAMPAT Member

    hi welcome back. i am also a returning member here. hang in there.
  8. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I thought about writing and mailing him a letter but my half sister won't reveal his address. She only bothers to talk to me once in a blue moon and she doesn't understand my plight because she's older but has had a reasonable relationship with our Dad. Her Mum died last year but she said wanted to know me better because she doesn't really have many people in her life now but I feel like she is just giving me false hope.
  9. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    If you don't mind my asking... why on Earth won't she reveal his address? He's your father, too. Do you have his phone number or email address? I like Total Eclipse's idea, but you can just as easily describe everything to him over the phone or in an email. It seems really odd to me that your sister would reach out to you while simultaneously withholding your father's address.

    If your father continues with his apparent indifference then I think you might just have to get along with out him, unfortunately. My father didn't (and still doesn't) have a good relationship with my grandfather either. Some of the things you said sounded eerily similar to things my father says about my grandfather, such as the whole birthday card situation.

    But I have a wonderful relationship with my father, and I sometimes wonder if part of that has to do with the fact that he wanted to treat his children better than he was treated. I'm willing to bet that when you have children, you'll be a fantastic father as well.
  10. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I don't understand either why she won't divulge it to me. She did give me his number but he refuses to text back. I'm guessing that will have to be the case for me. I've never met his father (my grandad) but the weirdest thing happened recently, I was shopping in my local town high street (outside shopping centre/mail) and I almost bumped into a man who looked a lot like how I remember my dad to look but about thirty years senior. I'm guessing it was my grandad because he lives local I've heard. My dad never really had a relationship with own father and so I think it's a sad trend being passed through. I try to be a father type figure to my own little brother but his actually more wiser then I am but he doesn't feel like i do about it all because he doesn't remember how his dad was during the rare moments he was around. I'm guessing my sister is upset that having three more siblings would take more time and attention away from her.

    I'm thinking different though, I wouldn't want to inflict my pain on anybody else and I'd feel like those I love would have to bare it because I did :(
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