returning after 2 long years

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by sami, Oct 23, 2010.

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  1. sami

    sami Well-Known Member

    wow... i dont even know what to say. a part of me cant believe im back here. i remember such wonderful people from my time here before.

    nothing with me has changed really... im still suffering with a severe panic disorder, anxiety, depression, eating disorder.... blah. the only positive side is that i left my abusive now ex boyfriend and have a kitten.

    i honestly dont know what to say... i just dont want to feel alone anymore!
  2. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    welcome back. well done on leaving the abusive fella. how are you feeling?
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Sami and welcome back...leaving your abusive boyfriend is truly something you can feel proud of...and welcome to our newest feline member...glad you decided to let us know how you are doing and yes, here you are not alone...big hugs, J
  4. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Ah I think I remember you actually. Ah.. you're always welcome here, it's just rather sad that you need this place again. But very well done on leaving your abusive ex. That's such a hard thing to do, most people don't have the strength or bravery to do so. As said, you're not alone here and never will be. I really hope things start to look up for you.

    My PM box is always open :hug:
  5. sami

    sami Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for the kind welcome!

    It took a lot to leave my ex and it still affects me now. There were ambulances, police.... god it was messy. But yes, I am free now and have a more stable relationship with someone I have known 11 years!! Of course, I am firmly of the opinion he is way better off with someone else. My kitten is keeping me alive. She's called Lily and is 4 months old! She would be happier with a sane mummy.

    How I'm feeling? Very lost. Desperate.... so so alone. I've just read through some of my old posts and feel like absolutely nothing has changed. I've been having suicidal thoughts for a while now... I have no support at all. No friends.... just me, my boyfriend and my kitten. I'm trying, I really am. I've been studying with the OU... but when I think about it... it seems pointless if I'm never going to get better.

    Sorry for the rant... :(
  6. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    You have nothing to apologise for here, we all know how you feel, which is why this place can be helpful at times. Even if people don't always get better, at least this place makes it easier for them to get from day to day. I think it's just the fact that there're so many people in the same sort of situation, so many people that are understanding here.

    Are you seeing a therapist? An obvious question that you've probably already been asked. If you think it might have any chance of helping, it might be worth trying. I really hope you can find the help and support you need, this time. Oh and your partner obviously doesn't agree that he'd be better off with someone else, or they'd not be with you now. Try to think about that. They've been with you for 11 years, there must have been something keeping them drawn towards you.
  7. sami

    sami Well-Known Member

    I did have a therapist, but the NHS pulled my funding and refused any further help. I've been on my own since 2008 I think. I can't afford to go private :(

    You're right about my boyfriend, there is something keeping us together... we wern't even always in contact all of those 11 years.... I was forbidden to talk to him when I was with my ex. I love him so much but he doesn't understand MH problems at all, no matter how I try to explain it. He's seen alot but it hasn't really made a difference.

    I'm glad to be back in a place where people understand!!
  8. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    That's terrible.. but that was a while ago, it might be possible for you to see a Doctor and get another referral? I'm not sure how it works where you are, but that might be a possibility?

    Ah yeah, I understand what you mean. He might not understand for a while, but at least he'll remain there for you in anyway he can. When you really need to talk about something he can't understand, there's always someone online here that'll be able to talk to you. I know it's nowhere near the same, but it's certainly something. And as I said before, my PM box is always open, as are others, I'm sure.
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