Revenge - funny stories

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by GoldenPsych, Feb 10, 2008.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    What I love reading about and makes me laugh is how people have got revenge on someone who has made them angry etc.

    Please post here if you have some funny stories about what you or someone you know has done.

    I had this friend who found ou her guy was cheating, she cooked him a cat food curry and also (ok this is really gross... I mean really gross) put a used tampon in his cup of tea like a tea bag, and watched him drink it after she had removed it.
  2. (Ah...the "vampire's tea bag"! Eeeewww!!!)

    Hi! Couldn't resist...

    One's a joke...
    the second is true (well, according to whomever wrote it! Also gross!!)
    I have them posted in the Jokes/Funny thread...

    A girl came home just in time to find her boyfriend in bed with
    another woman.
    With superhuman strength born of fury, she dragged her man down the
    stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vice.
    She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
    Next she picked up a hacksaw.
    The guy terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going
    to... to...cut it off are you?!"
    The girl, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope.
    You are.
    I'm going to set the garage on fire."

    * * *​

    My husband, a conservation biologist, was sent on a 2 month-long research project in South America, along with a small crew of co-workers. Not long into the trip, I placed my weekly call to the motel they were staying in, but reached one of his female colleages instead of him. She confided in me, begrudgingly, that she had walked in on him getting it on with one of the young natives, a member of the housekeeping staff, and that's probably where he was right then. She made me swear I'd never reveal the source of this heartbreaking news in the event I confronted him about it...

    I thought about my approach to this long and hard and got angrier and angrier the longer I sat on it. After a night of sobbing into numerous glasses of wine, I headed out to a local bar. I had a plan...and I carried it out...

    The rest of the story made its way back to me through the grapevine:
    The day my husband received the care package I sent him, he excitedly shared the tin of homemade cookies with his roommates while they sat down to watch the tape of his favorite sitcoms from home I had recorded for him. Right in the middle of an episode of Southpark, the tape cut into a home video of me, on my knees, giving a stranger oral sex. After a few seconds of tape, the man does his business in my mouth and I turned and spit the load right into the mixing bowl of cookie dough. I looked into the camera and said straight-faced, "By the way, I want a divorce."
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2008
  3. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I like that
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I once had a teacher in high school who was absolutely horrible. She was just a mean person, calling me names, etc. So one day I was at the mall with friends when we saw her from a distance. There were 2 security guards standing close by, so I pointed her out to them and told them I saw her in Claire's boutique shoving necklaces and earrings into her bag. Then I said, "I don't know if there's anything you can do, I just thought I should say something." He said, "You bet there's something we can do! We're gonna lock her up!" Then he got on his walkie talkie and started alerting the other guards and made his way down toward her. I honestly don't know how it turned out because I booked it after that, but I imagine she didn't have the best day of her life.
  5. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Lol that had to be very sweet revenge LMAO:)
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I also once called someone in high school and when his Mom picked up, I asked for him and when she said he wasn't there(I knew he wasn't), I stammered "Well, this is a little awkward, but this is Britney from 976-DUCK (a sex line), and Michael has an outstanding balance of $432.75. We've tried multiple times to procure payment from him, and I'm afraid that if this matter is not resolved we are going to be forced to take legal action." Needless to she was absolutely horrified. I'm pretty sure he had a bad day after that.
  7. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    That is probably the most arousing thing I have ever read
  8. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    one time i secretly peed in this huge water gun i had and squirted some kid with it. he didnt do any thing wrong we just did it for fun lol.oh and once we egged my old school and throw wads of paper all over. kinda lame but yeah ive never been to vengeful haarr.
  9. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    when i was in primary school, i had the most awful teacher, who was always so strict and mean. one day i was really sick and needed to throw up, she wouldnt let me out the class so i threw up on her in front of the whole class. obviously it was involuntary and completely embarassing for me but i didnt feel so bad knowing it was her i puked on.

    a friend of mine was making her evil step dad supper one night, she peed in the sauce she poured all over the fish and she spat in the salad. he even commented on how delicious it was! eeeew.

    the same friend, as an april fools joke, fried up some canned dog food and made a mince sandwich for one of her friends. they apparently absolutely loved it!

    she must be one helluva cook to get away with all that.
  10. REALLY need to get OUT more!!! :wink:

    (btw - I'm enjoying these other stories!)

    Also just reminded me of this AWFUL landlady me and my ex had. She promised us all sorts of things when we moved in, but was terminally cheap, and never came through on ANY of them. Among (many, many) other things, she got this cat that had fleas (and my ex was terribly plagued by them - they bite some people more than others) - and refused to pay for the chemical treatment to get rid of them - even denying that the fleas came from her cat! In the end, when we finally left, we deducted all costs we thought were fair from the second-last month's rent - which of course she argued vehemently about, threatening us (we didn't care) -- But... I went one step further, crazy-glueing EVERYTHING I could possibly think of (closet door, toilet seat, shower curtain, etc...).

    It also makes me laugh cuz when my ex (much later on) told me he was gay - he left me for another man :wink: - he confessed to me, also later on, that he'd been utterly PARANOID about how I was going to "get him back".
    Sometimes, that alone is the BEST revenge!!

  11. Well, there ought to be a trigger warning on this thread, though otherwise, eh, I'm torn. I don't like revenge, just justice. Legal justice. Financial compensation is good.
  12. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Why a trigger warning? It's supposed to be a fun thread. If you know you don't like revenge stories why read it if it "triggers" you. You know?? The title did say revenge- funny stories.

    Funny stuff Golden!!! :biggrin:
  13. It didn't trigger me, just that reading this made me think about someone who it might bother. I won't say who it is though. I hope he doesn't read this thread.
  14. Yeah....
    "Don't be SORRY!!!! BUY me something!!!!!"

  15. :laugh:

    Well, usually lawsuits don't occur until after means of trying to extract an apology out of someone, fail. Personally, I'd rather sue someone, than to do something intentionally hurtful to them.
  16. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    As the title said it's meant to be funny stories that are light hearted. If someone wants to put trigger warning on they can do so. But I cant see how would trigger someone. Just out of interest broken... how do you think would trigger. If you seriously think it would contact an admin and ask them 2 put one on... i dont have a clue how 2. lol. xxxx
  17. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Fair enough financial comp is good but for some things you cant get it... well not in the UK anyway.
  18. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Sarcasm is lost on these webbernets (though my post contained only a small amount of it, hoho)
  19. Hmm... I didn't know that. So, in the UK, if a person sues someone, they don't get the money?
  20. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Going off topic here but the UK doesnt have the same sort of sue everyone approach that the US seems to have. It is just a harmless thread that i started... not like revenge at murder or anything like that - just maybe friends who have annoyed you - pranks and stuff like that.
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