Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by wastedmylife, Sep 6, 2008.

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  1. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    lets say someone did something to harm you that caused you life long physical problems, including major problems that has messed with your ability to reproduce/have sex

    Lets say you were unable to press charges and take a legal course of action against this person

    How does someone forgive this person

    is revenge neccessary?
  2. daniel2

    daniel2 Banned Member

    Hi WML,

    The forgiveness is not for them, its for you. It is probably the hardest thing to do since you are fighting yourself in giving forgiveness. Your need for justice/revenge makes it immensely difficult to release them from the debt they owe you. The part of you that thinks they will get off unpunished for their crime demands retribution and it feels like you are betraying yourself by forgiving them. Then why forgive? By holding them to a debt they may never repay you are binding yourself to the need for justice/revenge. It takes a terrible psychological toll in itself and can debilitate you in such a way that you are caught in a mire you cannot extricate yourself from. You can't go forward because this is unresolved and plays over and over in your mind. Your need traps you.

    Forgiveness is not a passive act. You start by making the commitment not to hate the person anymore - this takes a stronger will than you can imagine. Every time you find yourself hating that person you have to remind yourself that your new position is that you forgive that person.

    Next you have to define the parameters of your forgiveness - remember that forgiveness does not mean that you have to forget. You do not have to welcome that person into your life with open arms. Actually forgiveness does not have to mean you present any outward change toward that person at all. It just means inwardly that you release them from the debt they owe you. You can define the parameters of what forgiveness means to you as long as you cease to demand punishment or restitution.

    The final step is to tell the person that you forgive them. This will take all your willpower and may require someone you trust to support you emotionally when you do it.

    I know this sounds impossible. But ask yourself are you better off harboring your anger?

  3. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    That post above is so true and I don't think I can add much else to it.

    Forgiveness is indeed for YOUR benefit, it's very important to bear that in mind.
  4. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2008
  5. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    I always find i feel better once i forgive , however that can take time , this is recent , ur still struggling unserstandbly , give it time.

    here if u need to talk

    love jo x

  6. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    this happened 17 months ago and it is actually getting worse, the hate is debilitating, I am going to give myself a anueresym or a heart attack
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I think it would be better for you to talk about what happened, revenge isn't the right solution, I hope you are feeling better today :hug:
  8. ZundertowZ

    ZundertowZ Well-Known Member

    i think its alot easier to forgive some1 who asks for forgiveness! when some1 close 2 u hurts u and acts like they dont care thats what stays with you forever!
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter



    Sounds like it will be a very hard thing to forgive, but it will provide much relief for you I believe.
  10. physician

    physician Well-Known Member

    i feel the same way...
    and forgiveness is far from me :huh:
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