reviewing my life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by rekrek, Sep 8, 2010.

  1. rekrek

    rekrek New Member

    really , mulling over my life it's no wonder it'sno wonder i've turned to be such a damaged person , i have people who tell me i have a great future , i have quite a few girls who are interested in me and i get complimented all the time , but i've kind of inured the fact that i've just had enough and i don't care , ive had to endure an endless litany of abuse(i have the most dysfunctional family ever), i've always found means to bounce back but lately, i can't find that motivation to spur me forwards anymore , i have turned into an absolute shell of a person, my work is really stressful, ive become incredibly anxious all the time, im absolutely terrified of people, i was always made to think that im useless and stupid, my parents wanting to make me as miserable as they were, having knives thrown at me for no reason at all , getting chased with a knife, being thrown out then my mom got really ill and died and i was left with my abusive dad, i somehow scraped through my exams and began to see that i may possess certain commodities and began to have some self confidence, i left college and got a decent job doing night auditing while supporting my dads unmitigating spending bouts, obviously the abuse continued, im glad my sister didn't have to see as much as i did , she has a good boyfriend and shes jovial, i sound like the most cynical person but intruth, life does suck,and then you die. Ive come to accept the fact that my life was basically meant to be a precarious mess. I've bounced back up countless of times and pushed myself forwards have always had it figured out.. but theres only so much a person can take, im literally on the precipice of a meltdown, i don't even want to function anymore , i don't want to talk to any psuedo counselor or psychologist, i dont want anyone , i just want to die , alone.

    I'm sorry if this made no sense, just trying to depict the jumbled up thoughts goin through my head.