I was in so much pains and hurt, I wasn't really able to look back and go through what I have learned so far. I was so busy with crying, blaming, full of hateful, confused etc... I wanted to get better. I wanted to be perfectly well, I was very eager to go through all these process too fast, what happened was......it was more difficult than it should had been... but now I see myself where I am right now. Everything was worth it. It's like cooking potatoes and meats. If you try to cook them fast with highest temperature they are harder to eat. I understand that I have to learn to be patient with certain things. Recently I had skin reaction from a new cream. I freaked out. I should have just use water to wash them off and wait to cool down. but I wanted to fix it ASAP so I ended up trying whole different kinds of other creams. Then it got worse of course. So I've finally decided to stop using anything and just waited. Now I am back to normal and appreciate my skin. This counselor that I had for over a year now. He has been there for me. It wasn't perfect. Tons of ups and down, I felt betrayal, rejected, abandoned etc... It was like going through exactly same things as I was child. Relationship with my parents, abusers, authorities, friends... This counseling process was the worst because he was there for me and promised me and made me feel like I can be friend with him etc. BUT again, he didn't keep his promise. However I am stronger and I don't have to doubt myself because I've survived the most painful experience. Anyways, I am quite focused now. I know where I am standing and I know what's the most important things in my life. Which is... My own family. especially my son. Because my parents never took care of me, with my son, I was so focused on just being close physically for him and I've done enough of that. Now he is older and I have to be there for him emotionally. Connect with this little guy. Sometimes, it really frustrates me that he fallows me everywhere that I don't get breaks at all. But I've decided to really enjoy it cuz he's not going to do that forever and I learned to say No to him, trying to take care of myself at the same time. Learning limits and balancing. Now I see purpose of my life. I have my wonderful little man right by me. I will be there for him. Not like what my parents did to me. My counselor helped me to grow up emotionally. It was dang hard because I didn't like it at all when he was trying to discipline me but it was very necessary and I am going to do same for my son.