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Riding through the torrent....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bloodrose, Mar 16, 2008.

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  1. Bloodrose

    Bloodrose Member

    My life is as usual... Tearing itself apart... And somehow, for some incontrivable reason, people seem to partake pleasure in giving me unending amount of harassments daily for years on end.

    My life has become less than trival, and that my existance is a bane to society. My hope for a chance at happiness has only been a pain to others and a lodestone for my mom.

    If only I wasn't born, things would have been different. My mom would probably be happier, and that I wouldn't feel that I was born just to cry and die.

    I wonder why incompetent transgender children like me are born to poor suffering people like my mom. My existance is a cross on their backs that keeps getting heavier the older I get.

    Many years ago, back in 2001, before my schizophrenia took me completely over, I was thinking of having a seperation from my mom permanently. Not because I didn't love her, but because my life would take her down, her cares would probably increase. And walking my road would probably make her cry harder the longer I do...

    I'm a sad excuse of a human wannabe, I can't get out of my schizohprenia, and my eventual downspiral into autism. Death is always a pill away. (literally... I have enough high blood pressure medication to grind into powder form for consumption enough to kill me atm)

    One of my life long wishes was and still is to, help make the world a better place, but my born sorry loser ass only makes nails out of needles, and I rather have not been born, than to be someone that causes bloodletting unto others so often...

    I wish I could have ended, once upon a time... but I'm still living on...
  2. marychris

    marychris Member

    Please Hang on. I know what you are going through. I have had to deal with Suicidal thoughts for most of my life and I know that they are something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.
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