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Right now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Gyokusai, Nov 4, 2010.

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  1. Gyokusai

    Gyokusai Member

    Right, it's decided. I've thought everything through and taking into consideration all of my other alternatives, life just isn't worth it. I've prepared everything; I have a loaded firearm and I'm ready to pull the trigger.

    I'm just finishing up my note, not much point though as I don't have any family and the few friends I do have probably won't care. I took my cat down to the vets today and asked if they could keep him for the night, at least he'll be safe there.

    Reading various forums online has served to alleviate my pain somewhat, but it's just too much; I really can't go on. So, this will be my memento, I guess I'll at least be leaving something behind for someone to remember me by.

    Just a few more minutes...good bye everyone, and thank you.
  2. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Hey there
    You took the time to register why dont you hold on and tell us why you are feeling like this? May be we can help
    Please dont hurt yourself
  3. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    Woah tiger, slow down! I see this is your first post, why dont you stay for a while and tell us what's up? Lots of caring people here. X
  4. Withdrawn

    Withdrawn Well-Known Member

    Please stay!! :sadyes: Want to talk about what's bothering you? :hug:
  5. Gyokusai

    Gyokusai Member

    My wife and kid were killed 2 years ago in a car crash, I was out on a tour of Iraq and could do nothing to save them. On that very tour I, along with my best friend, was caught in a bomb blast, he died and I lost my left leg.

    I can't carry on with my career anymore, my family's gone and so is the only other person in the world I can confide in. I've lived a pitiful existence since returning, the only thing I had left of my family was that cat. It's cruel on him to lose me too, but I guess that's the worst thing that will come out of this.

    There is literally nothing left for me anymore, I've thought about this since the day my family died. I'm a coward and I'm taking the easy way out I know, but after all I've been through, am I not even entitled to that?

    I just want it to end, I'll find something soothing to listen to as I pull the trigger, perhaps one of her favourite songs.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 4, 2010
  6. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss
    Please think about this though. Is it really what you want?
    You have registered so you can post, part of you is reaching out for support. Let us help you.
    Have you had any kind of councelling for your grief and for what happened to you in iraq?
    Please keep talking if it helps
  7. Gyokusai

    Gyokusai Member

    It's pitiful, but I just registered to leave something behind and to let someone know what I'm about to do. We all die alone, but I guess I'm doing this so I'm not totally alone when I go.

    I've tried counseling, but nothing ever comes of it. What do I have left? The family I loved is gone, I can't do the job I loved any more and my best friend since I was 3 years old is dead. Just thinking about it wracks me with sadness; they say time's the best healer, but 2 years on and it still feels like someones stabbing me right in the heart.
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you have experienced so many losses recently, i am really sorry. have you been diagnosed with ptsd? there are some new medications available. i'm on propranalol. it helps with nightmares and feeling overwhelmed. it kind of dulls the intensity of the feelings. our stories are not alike but i have ptsd and have started to work through my trauma in therapy. it's slow going but very healing.

    i know you are ready to go but i hope you will stick around the forums for a little while and let us get to know you. we are a caring community and will be there for you during these difficult times.

    your cat sounds great. i can tell you really love him. i hope you go pick him up in the morning.
  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

  10. Gyokusai

    Gyokusai Member

    I shouldn't have left him at the vets, what if they just put him down as they don't have any room/time for him? He doesn't deserve that. She loved that cat, he helped with my pain a lot over the last couple years too.

    Sad how I'm clinging on at the thought of not wanting to hurt my cat eh? I don't want to leave him here with me though. No one checks up on me, no one ever calls so it'll be a while before anything; having him trapped inside and starving to death would be horrible.

    I'd love to just hold him as I passed on though...maybe not tonight then; thank you.
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    I don't think it's sad that you are concerned for your cat. I love my cat, too. He is fat and cuddly, His name is Oreo. I know, typical for a black and white cat but I didn't name him, he came from teh city shelter with that name and I didn't want to change it. What's your cat's name?
  12. Gyokusai

    Gyokusai Member

    Casper, like the ghost. We got him shortly after my daughter saw that film, she loved the name and was set on calling him that. My wife mentioned an ad in the paper about free kittens, once my daughter caught wind of it she wouldn't stop asking until we got her one.

    It's a nice cat, tabby and slender. Seems to know when I'm sad and comes to cuddle with me; damn, I think I'll go and get him now. He's probably scared not knowing what's going on, he practically jumped on my face after picking him up after my tour.
  13. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    I hope you and Casper have a nice cuddle. I will be offline for a few hours but will check in later to see how you are doing.
  14. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    About to turn in for the night but wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and hope you get through the night. Please continue to post, there is always someone awake on SF.

  15. ManCG

    ManCG Active Member

    My thoughts are with you too, Gyokusai.
    Take care of yourself.

    P.S. I'm a big fan of cats. Look after casper too please? He needs you as much as you need him. :)
  16. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    I hope you are still with us and went to pick up Casper. Cats are very clever animals and do know when we are feeling down. My cat has helped me though this past week since i broke up with my boyfriend. She follows me everywhere and its nice to know that she sees my pain.
  17. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you're off to get your cat...I hope he makes you feel a little better.
    I'm so sorry for your losses...your grief is still so fresh...
    i hope you will stay around here and talk to us for a while...
    we're a pretty friendly bunch and we care..
  18. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    just checking in to see how you are doing
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