Right place @ the right time?

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by crazychick, Nov 30, 2007.

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  1. crazychick

    crazychick Member

    Hi all,

    I think I may have stumbled across this forum at the right time for me as tonight I found myself googling for 'ways to commmit sucide' and ended up here instead. I have/had a lot of negative things in my life over recent years and feel I no longer have what it takes to cope with them. I'm so tired picking myself up after every set back only to get pulled back down again. I feel as though I reached the end of my tether, my thoughts and emotions are all over the place and although close to some of my family I can't discuss what I'm really thinking for fear of hurting them. :sad:
     
  2. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :smile:

    We are a pro-life site, and help each other to cope with whatever it is that is causing them so much pain and hurt. I hope you can open up to us here and we can help you cope with circumstances, or at least give you a place where you can vent your feelings.

    I hope to see you around some more,
    :hug:
     
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum :smile:
     
  4. Light_In_The_Dark

    Light_In_The_Dark Well-Known Member

    Welcome, we are here for you if you need us!
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum. I am glad you stumbled up on us at the right time. Feel free to share with us whatever you feel comfortable with. We are hear to listen and support you in the struggle to live. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum :hug:
     
  7. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF! i am glad you ended up here instead, there are always people to talk to round here so feel free to PM anytime
     
  8. crazychick

    crazychick Member

    Thank you for the welcome and kind words. I scared myself witless last night and have came as close as I ever have to ending it all - just wanting the pain to stop, I think the only thing that brought me to my senses was knowing it would be one of my kids that would find me and I couldnt put them through that.

    Ok here goes, although I'm divorced now for nearly 15 years I was married to a controlling bully but I couldn't see it at the time. Slowly all my confidence ebbed away and I started believing him when he said I was stupid, lazy, fat, no one else would have you, etc. He even broke two of my front teeth and wouldn't allow me to have them repaired. Looking back on it I now realise the abuse was physical, verbal and mental. I did eventually manage to escape the relationship, almost four years ago, but that was not without it's problems too due to his refusal to accept it was over and resorting to violence when he didn't get his own way.

    This went on for a few months until he finally moved to England and I thought that was an end to it. How wrong can a person be? I know I should have got out of the relationship a lot sooner but didnt know how to and feel its got a lot to do with the way my eldest son turned out. One night I caught him in bed with his then 10 year old sister and I went ballistic, I phoned social services crisis line, a meeting was arranged for the morning - the result of which the social workers decided 'the family home is the best place for him' even after I had asked for him to removed in to even temporary care as I was worried about the safety of my other children. They point blnak refused to do so.

    A week later it happened again only worse and this time my mum witnessed it (my daughter was too afraid of him to tell us anything) and I threw him out and refused to have him back in my home - social work tried their damndest to place him with his gran but then were forced to put him into care when she refused also. There were numerous meetings to discuss things - and each time social workers came down on the abuser's side - when he turned up at my daughter's school - they said oh he can go where he likes so I had to go down the road of getting interdicts against him etc because anytime he showed up at family home it was to cause trouble. I took a lot of it without involving police as I felt responsible and that a lot of it stemmed from the bad relationship I had with his father. But it went too far and I also found out he had tried to intimidate my youngest two sons as well so as my other children didn;t want contact I attempted to sever all ties with him and concentrate on helping my daughter, she's had nightmares, sleepwalking problems, hair loss due to stress, anger issues and after three years I felt we were finally coming through the worst of it, only to find out my ex has moved back into the area which has unsettled my kids and myself more than I thought possible.


    Unfortunately moving isn;t an option for us, I've already contacted the local housing authority only to be told I don't have enough points to even be considered for a new house even though I told them I was prepared to take somewhere smaller than where we are now. Also my neighbours are an issue too, they found out about the abuse and one of their sons' (who is in his early twenties and should know better) has been victimizing us especially my daughter and myself every chance he gets. I've reported it to the housing association on several different occassions and the family have received letters from them regarding their anti-social behaviour. Things got so bad during the summer the police were called, both brothers were arrested, handcuffed and thrown in the back of a police car and van, and the mother has the cheek to yell out her bedroom window one morning when i was passing with my younger children ' what have we ever done to you' I still get the feeling she doesnt know the half of it! One of her sons is now up on charges and has to appear in court at end of february, so my mum and i have been citied to give evidence against him, esp as he attmepted to assault a police officer with a beer bottle that day too.

    Me, who never breaks down and cries in front of anyone even wnet to GP and got myself in such a state that I couldn't speak when I tried to explain all this to her and that I felt I wa drowning in a pit of despair that I wasn;t sure I could claw my way back from or even wanted to she said not to worry what I was feeling was natural and jsut to make another appointment if I felt I needed it, it took enough guts to make the first one and admit what I was feeling.

    So sorry if I'm rambling and thanks for listening, just I don't know what else to do or where to turn.
     
  9. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    Sorry that you're having trouble... I don't think you could find methods by using a search engine. :blink: Hopefully not, because it reacted to the word suicide only and gave you SF. Very good.

    Welcome. :yes:
     
  10. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Hi,

    You're obviously having a terrible time at the moment, and well done for letting all of that out. Especially if you're not one to usually let your guard down and release your emotions, this site can be really helpful as it provides somewhere to share experiences with others who may have been through very similar experiences to yours.

    You should never be sorry for letting out your feelings, that's what this place is for! If you need to rant or whatever my PM box is open

    Lauren
     
  11. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    :welcome:
     
  12. crazychick

    crazychick Member

    Hi Lauren,

    Thank you for replying. And yep I'm not one for sharing things easily, another legacy left over from my marriage which spent putting on a fake happy face and pretending to everyone that everything was fine when really I was dying on the inside. Still feel like that most days, feel such a failure as a mother, wife, person and wonder what the point of going on is as everytime i pick myself up something else comes along to drag me down again. Just want to go to sleep and not wake up, make everything, everyone but especially the pain disappear
     
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