right place?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Jul 23, 2015.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    losing it a lot the last few days - crying, shaking - at work, at lunch, at home

    coin toss on whether i should post here or the other - can't tell any more

    so empty - it's not fair that someone can feel so empty and hurt so damned much

    walking around town seeing people laughing, talking, holding hands - i can't be part of that world any more

    can't stand being around my own family

    don't belong around people

    want to curl up and die
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    :arms: I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot right now. Has something happened to set this off lately? Around if you want to talk.
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    everyone seems to want something from me but i have nothing left to give

    no joy in my life

    days are horrible - wake up multiple times before getting up by 4 - sit alone in the dark until i leave for hell

    spend the day in hell, travel home to fall asleep 3 hours later

    repeat, repeat, repeat

    i've disappeared somewhere along the way and don't know where i've gone - don't want to look for me either
  4. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I can't be part of the world anymore either because of the way that my mind is. I usually go out to eat once a day, but that's about it. Otherwise, I just sit inside and live in fear of how my brain is and what it's doing to me.
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I have been in that pattern myself...not enough sleep, tired during the day, anxious and keyed up at night...Repeat. I felt like everything I did was to "get by" but not quite "be alive." I am so sorry you're in that mode right now. :hug:

    The people who want something from you...are you obligated to do them, such as for a boss at work? Or could you say, "I'm sorry, I can't help you with that"?

    "No" can be a hard phrase to learn. And people often do take advantage when they sense we want to be nice, good, "to do the right thing". Sometimes the right thing is to say "No!"...so that we get rest and respite and can have our own life, too.

    You said you spend the day in hell. Something specific happening to make it hell? A bad boss? Too much work? Nasty co-workers? No job? No money for stuff for yourself? (I'm just trying to get a feel for what might be going on.) Those kinds of things can be tough, but things can improve.

    Can you do any little nice things for yourself...a special cup of tea or coffee, a treat, a leisurely walk? Sometimes even very small gestures of being nice to ourselves can help. They don't make a bigger issue go away, but they can make us feel a bit better so that we can work on the bigger issue.

    When you are not feeling like this, what do you like to do? Maybe you could look forward to doing something just for you...e.g., a couple of days off and you could read, sleep, see a movie, watch tv...whatever, but on your time and terms.
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    hell is work - 4 1/2 hours commuting - no respect for knowledge, experience...me - clueless managers who run my life

    turn over is so high because they keep bringing in people from Hyderabad who stay just long enough to learn how not to make things worse then move on - i know they're just looking for an excuse to let me go and replace me with 3 more people

    saying "no" at work would be the same as saying "i quit" but i need the money and no one else has a place for me - been looking for years

    not able to make friends - eat lunch by myself and have fought back tears at the damned soda machine everytime i realize i'm alone

    days off won't help because then i'm trapped with my wife - she just wants to go away on vacation but she doesn't care where the money comes from - tried having that talk so often i should just have it printed so i can give it to her

    very little on tv interests me any more - and i'm too tired to stay awake for most of that - could DVR it but no one wants to see it a second time and i don't want to end up watching it by myself any more

    music, books, movies - it all hurts - don't know any other way to explain it

    sleep - i would like sleep - can't do it for more than 2 hours at a time - and can't stay asleep much past 4 even without an alarm

    so tired - lonely - lately i can add dizzy/unstable to the list

    deep down it feels like i'm getting exactly what i deserve
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

  8. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am so sorry to hear that you still suffering. You need to remain calm as life important. Yes I can appreciate you suffer very day but YOU are just important as the next human being. We all suffer but we deal with situation minute by minute. You need to appreciate life such as flowers in order to break the vicious cycle you are suffering every day.

    I understand from a cultural point of view you may not have many support groups. I wish your employers were understanding as I would expect a duty of care policy rather than mistreat staff.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 25, 2015
  9. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you are in this position. I too have many times had to fight back tears at work because I am overwhelmed with my job, and/or jealous of people around me that have a better job, and/or angry at my employer. I have tried biting the inside of my mouth so that the pain distracts me from wanting to cry. It kind of works.
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Wastingecho, :arms: Sounds rough. You are important and you deserve respect - as a human being and as an employee. I'm sorry your employer is abusive and manipulative with you. When our workplace is not supportive and "friendly," it can be hard to feel good about ourselves and what life holds.

    It ran through my mind that if they had to replace you, they would need three people. That probably makes it less likely that they actually want to get rid of you. And I'm sure you do good work. I'm just sorry it's lonely and a hard environment for you. (I've been through a similar thing myself.)

    Keep posting and talking here. We'll listen. I care how it's going for you and how you're doing. You're not totally alone out there. I'll be thinking about you. :hug:
  11. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Couldn't make myself get out of bed today - called in sick - spent all day lying down - don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear that. If something could make you feel better what do you think that would be, realistically?
  13. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Don't know - nothing I can imagine
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    get to work and boss is promising his superiors things that just aren't true and i'm expected to make it all work

    then someone comes to my cube to commiserate saying "it's a tough break" - i have no idea what he meant

    he thinks i'm being laid off but no one has told me - when i tell him that he says he must have made a mistake that they would have told me before now

    but i know how well my handlers communicate and i can't ask them the question

    if they take this away from me - as hellish as this is - i will have nothing left and can see myself taking the first available exit
  15. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    I have feelings like this often, actually I find myself losing my job soon because no fault of my own (merger destroyed the need for the position). I've learned something from interviews the only way to make them go well is believe you have something to give. I know that isn't as easy as it sounds, but think of your current position, most people would have gave up and you keep trying. That is something you can offer, you don't give up, and you try.

    As with your long commute have you tried someplace closer that pays less? It might pay less but without the stress of the road and the money put into your commute you might just be making the same amount. I'm currently in the same position, I have a back up job that pays less in the same city that I live once this position is up, and in the end it pays just the same because I don't have to pay for parking in the city and don't have to drive hours each day.
  16. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hey, wastingecho. :hug: I'm sorry your co-worker said something like that to you. I'm hoping for the best for you.

    I agree with Yati: You have much to offer, including all your knowledge and work experience, plus your dedication and determination. Any employer needs employees like that, so if you are looking elsewhere, I hope you know you have good skills and qualities. :)

    Keep us posted on how things are going.
  17. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    been looking elsewhere for years - checking job sites, want ads

    there is nothing and i don't have the strength, savings, or contacts needed to be a consultant

    nothing left to give - if they lay me off i'm done
  18. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Is there a government agency where you live that helps people with a job search? I've heard that "networking" - calling/talking to people we know to see if they "know of someone who is hiring" - is an important tool in job search these days. Searching the listed ads is a good start. Maybe adding networking will increase your contact base and help. You can do this. I know you feel really low right now. I hope you know you are more than the dark feelings and hard times you've had. You bring lots to the world that is good. Please, consider the other things you are and that offer to the world so the depressed side doesn't run your life. :hug:
  19. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    have no contacts to network with - can't sell myself - can't sell a product you don't like

    don't even know what or who i am any more
  20. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Wastingecho, "networking" is definitely more challenging when we have few or no ready contacts. I'll throw out some ideas here, and I'm not saying they are right or the best things to do; they're just "ideas" that might be starting points.

    The following are ways and where we might "meet" or know others who could possibly give us job leads...The idea is to tell everyone you know that you are interested in finding new/different/additional work. And these are good places/ways to meet people to talk to...

    - religious affiliation/congregation, other parents at kids' activities, hobby groups/clubs, taking a course, signing up with a job search group through the local employment agency, local YMCA sometimes offers employment search workshops, volunteering at something to meet people.

    Maybe one person doesn't know of a job immediately, but they might know someone else you could talk to, or maybe when one comes up, they'll think of you. Little things like this might give you an edge, and the best part is that they don't require a huge investment of time, energy or money.

    I'm really hopeful that you will find something that clicks for you and things will fall into place. In the meantime, know that I care, and keep us posted about what you are trying. :arms:
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