RIP 8yr old me - may trigger csa content

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lost_child, Aug 1, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    a child of 8 years old, doing things that at 18 year old does, her body to young her mind not ready....the child died on this day.

    the bathroom is filled with steam
    I feel I'm running down a violent stream
    she stands hot in just her underwear
    she's ill and still no one cares

    mum comes in and out,
    she's not allowed to scream or shout
    drink this drink and just be quiet
    don't speak, and don't dare come out.

    The bathroom is the only place she's allowed
    don't go near anyone, don't be in crowd.
    mum makes her way way down the stairs
    guess she really doesn't have any cares

    John comes in, still she sits on the bath
    she struggles, she finds it hard to breath
    the hot tap still going, steam filling
    She can't breath, she's strugling.

    she now stands naked and bare
    silence fills the air
    he sits on the toilet seat
    as her body starts to feel the heat

    She starts to shake
    her body aches
    she can't breath
    she smeels death

    he takes her on he's lap
    cuddles her body, but she feels trapped
    she can't fight, her body to weak
    she's has no strength to even speak.

    The bathroom door is locked
    is she now blocked
    he holds her bare body tight
    please please not tonight.

    He says he will make her better
    lifts her from he's knee
    and stands her up on the floor.
    she's shaking her body can't take anymore.

    he's trousers are undone
    and he's thing goes in her mouth
    she can't breath, she's struggling
    is this really happening

    He takes her hand over he's
    but her bodys to weak no more please
    she can't breath
    is she being put to her death

    he lifts her on he's knees
    and gives her body a squeeze
    her body weak she can't fight
    as he holds her body tight

    the pain shoots thru her body
    this can't be happening now she's all bloody
    she can't breath, she needs to breath
    her takes her to the bath

    turns the bath to the shower
    she stands there and begins to shiver
    he cleans her body, her hair and skin
    takes her out and calls for lyn.

    Her knickers go back on,
    no longer is she standing alone
    her bodys to weak, her breathing slow
    this girl is feelin so low.

    Mum comes in, and gives her more drink
    she starts to be sick in the sink
    mum wipes her fore head
    takes her down stairs and lays her in her bed.

    RIP 8 year old me - the day I died inside
    RIP 28 year old me - the day my soul was reunited.
  2. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    never ending ab*se - may trigger


    blue eyes, curly hair
    a young girl with quite a flare
    running around, never sitting still
    until she took the first suicide pill

    the first suicide pill,known as her dad
    at the time she didn't feel sad
    her dad loved her, she was he's little girl
    she was he's oyster, he's unique little pearl

    He was the only one to care, he'd kiss her button nose
    and then hold her very close
    he used to hit the others, but not once did he her
    mum, my siblings said how alike we were.

    I didn't like him hitting them
    I tried to please him, be he's gem
    so then he wouldn't turn on them
    my actions I really can't condemn.

    I wish i'd never been he's girl
    then maybe i wouldn't be living in hell
    I wish she'd never done what he said
    as she lay their in her bed.

    She didn't know it wasn't right
    but the pain she felt gave her a fright
    after he tucked her in bed
    she would lay and bang her head.

    She didn't cry, but banged her head
    on the pillows, wall, sometimes until she bleed.
    Her mother said she was seeking attention
    which was welcomed with detention.

    her favourite toy a great big orange bear
    would sit on her bed, the story no need share
    he saw, what she felt, he watched what he did
    until one nite, my parents took him away, and got rid.

    How long did it go on, is there more to come
    surly everyone can already see I'm scum
    I was he's pearl, he's oyster, he's little girl
    but to me I will always be he's playgirl.


    She travelled 4 hours to see her dad
    all the way the girl felt sad
    she cried on the bus
    a nice women made a fuss

    shared her polo's with us
    I guess she saw we were in distress
    no parents or adults travelled with us
    all alone we travelled on the bus

    when we arrive, her aunt was there
    to wipe away her last tear
    she took them to meet her dad
    inside the girl still felt sad

    When they arrived, they meet the wife
    this person and her kids where now he's life
    he wouldn't want to know us anymore
    this broke the girl some more

    spereated from her sisters, she felt more alone
    now she was on her own
    she went to bed feeling scared
    beliving noone cared.

    her mother had sent her away
    her father a new family where he would stay
    her sisters nowhere to be seen
    this girl was invisable, she was unseen.

    she lay crying in her bed
    and remembers the words he said
    as he got in her bed, and held her tight
    cuddled and touched her thru the nite

    it wasn't her dad, but he's step son
    what he was going wasn't fun
    he was touching her down below
    her body felt the blow.

    he said to her, "I'll keep you safe and warm"
    but for him she had to perform
    he took her hand to the place he wanted
    what took place was not what she wanted

    She didn't like it, but she never cried
    the next nite she tried to hide
    but again he got in her bed, lifted her night dress
    her body he began to caress.

    one nite as he lifted her nightdress
    what happened next left her in distress
    the next day she told her dad
    he didn't say anything, was he sad, or even mad?

    He sent her back to her mum's
    once again, my fault I'm dumb
    She should never had told
    the feelings it left her with she still holds.

    When her father walked out
    she didn't understand what it was about
    why he had left her for a second time
    she didn't even know wot they done could be a crime

    why didn't she realise, did she really love the attention?
    did she really ask for it? why was the girl so sad?
    why didn't she realise
  3. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    Re: never ending ab*se - may trigger

    I didnt realise either. And this kind of makes it my fault.
  4. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    How do you mean ~ they didn't realise because they choose not to ~ my own mother also knew about one of my abusers and continued to send me to he's house so he could have se* with me.
  5. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    It's hard to understand how any mother could do that. *Hugs*

    I meant i didn't realise what was happening was wrong. I even asked for him to babysit me.
  6. immure

    immure Account Closed

    seriously tell me where he lives and i will go there myself and make hime wish he never had the parts to have any sexual erge again. arg arg arg. u r inacent. hope u find it in ur heart to move past this so u can enjoy whats left of ur time here. keep strong and take ur power back 1st step it was in no fucking way ur fault.
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