RIP Dad

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by LostInIowa, Oct 24, 2007.

  1. LostInIowa

    LostInIowa New Member

    Today is the 1 week anniversary of my dad's suicide. He just shot himself in the head. No warning signs, no mental illness and I know he wasn't sick as yesterday I got his medicare info in the mail from his last doc visit in July which I knew about. He was only 66. The night before my husband and a bunch of his friends even talked to him and they didn't know anything was wrong. He had his cell phone beside him, no calls to anyone or calls to him before. I don't understand it. I have no answers, so many questions that only he can answer. I know he didn't have a lot of money as his last wife gouged him for everything he had including half his pension even though she makes a lot of money otherwise and that maybe the biggest thing that bothered him. I never knew my dad growing up but when I got older, I sent him a christmas card every year and on valentines day 1995 we finally met up and have been very close since. I just needed to get this off my chest where others understand. It is going to be rough going back to work after all this and I hope I can keep it together so I can work. He would have wanted me to keep going. I got a card from a friend that really helped me and I thought I would share with you all what it says as it might help you too.......

    Why?
    Thats what we ask.
    The truth is, we may never
    be able to know for sure why.
    But we do know that there is no single
    "should have done"
    or "could have done"
    or "did" or "didn't do"
    that could have changed that why.
    All that love could do was done.

    God bless you all in here going through the same thing, be it recent or, in the far past as the pain will always be there. We may never have the answers that we seek to bring our hearts and souls peace about it but we gave them all the love that we had. Our relationship with those we lost was happy at times and sad too but we should always be grateful for the time we had. We must live on and because of their love for us continue whatever it was that keeps us going. I just want say thanks to my Dad for giving me the honor of being your daughter for the short 12 years we had. Whatever it was that brought you to the place you are now, I know you aren't suffering or hurting anymore and you are now at peace.

    Thanks for this forum. I will be visiting it often as I know the days ahead won't get better. I will just learn to cope with it all.

    Leah
     
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry for your loss Leah. I lost someone very close 4 months ago, though not under the same circumstances.

    Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk about it.

    The pain might not go, but it will get better :hug:
     
  3. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    I lost my grandad the same way, alas when I was still a kid. Kindly receive a tender embrace and my warmest thoughts.

    What IS the answer to a question, one thinks will never be asked? I'm still searching and I'm afraid of finding its answer - it may reveal the reasons for my own dark feelings...

    Whatever needs to be asked, there are people here who will try with compassion, insight, kind words (and shadows of answers ??) to help you. Just write whenever you feel questions are dominating your present.
     
  4. JobForAVictim

    JobForAVictim Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss.
    I hope you find a way to make peace with yourself, and I hope your father, wherever he is, is in peace.
     
  5. emma-louise

    emma-louise Guest

    -hugs Leah-

    im so sorry for your loss, if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me or whatever.
     
  6. SoulBee

    SoulBee Member

    So sorry for your loss. i lost my boyfriend 2 months ago and it sucked. please feel free to pm me any time. be well.
     
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your father Leah. When I lost my dad, the last thing I wanted to do was to go back to work. Yes it was hard and things constantly reminded me of him. I would break into tears at the oddest moment. But I think it helped to be back in ways. I did not have the down time to sit and think about how much I missed him. Things had to be done and there was no one else to do them. I was glad for the distraction. I know it must not be easy and the loss is still new. The numbness wears off and all the questions start. Questions which have no answers. Do your best not to get on them. It isn't helpful at all. You and your family are in my thoughts. Take care. ;hug:
     
  8. ztara

    ztara New Member

    hey, the same thing happened to me 4 months a go, my mate Joe.
    sounds to me that you were a real friend to your dad aswell as a good dauter. i know this will be no concilation now, and i know it sounds massivly cheesy but it sounds to me like he loved you, and something that iv slowly realised, there 'was' nothing you could do. :smile: iv been down the route of blaming myself and it isn't good. i know its hard but try and remeber the good things and don't let this single violent act cloud your memory of who your dad was. :smile:
     
  9. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    so sorry for you loss hun i wil keep u in my thoughts at this difficult timex