On Jan 2 2014 I found out my son, James Robert Adams, died. He was only 22 y.o. I thought my life was hard enough, dealing with depression and other health issues, but I found out that that is nothing when your kid dies. I keep asking WHY? My ex is being spiteful and nasty. Oh I know he is hurting but so am I. I keep thinking it isn't real. That it is a bad nightmare and I will wake up. It has to be a mistake. Then I remember the officer coming to the door. I just keep thinking that I will hear his voice or see a post by him on facebook or something. I keep think please don't let this be real. People keep asking me what they can do. People say they are keeping me in their prayers. I am trying not to be hateful and say God didn't keep James safe. I am trying to understand what I did so wrong that I am being punnished this way. He was so young. He had his whole life ahead of him. I am trying to remember that there is a reason to go on. I can't forget that I was just wondering how his life was going to be in 5, 10 years. I was hoping for a girlfriend for him. A good job. It can't be real. It just can't. I am just sitting here not knowing what to do. I missed the medical examiners call so I have to wait till monday to find out why he died. I don't even have the money to bury him. I can't get in touch with his dad so I don't know what he has planned. James and I talked about that I wanted to be cremated and he said he wanted that to. I don't know if he really ment it or he was just agreeing with me. Craig's (his father) mother won't give me Craigs phone number so I can't even call him. I am sorry for going on and on. I am just shocked and hurting beyond what I thought was possible and am having a problem thinking why I should go on when my son lies dead.