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Risky/reckless behavior

Harmony

Well-Known Member
SF Supporter
#1
I've been seeking out dangerous situations. I nearly got arrested the other night for one. It wasn't for trying to hurt anyone or anything but I risked losing everything and did not care at the time which in retrospect is the really scary part. I just don't care. I let this girl totally use me just because I was lonely plus wanted substances from her and mind you I'm pretty fucking sure I'm straight. She's telling people she got me obliterated and had her way with me (former co-worker showed me a text). So there goes my job too, i'm not going back. How to stop? It's so convoluted because I am bringing this on myself.
 
#2
Sorry that this is happening.

Simply because so-and-so is circulating a text doesn't mean that you'll be fired for it.

I does sound like taking time off from work might be a good idea. You can't really care for other people when you're not able to care for yourself. You may be eligible for medical leave.

Can you get into an intensive outpatient program?
 

Ash600

✮☆Meetup star ☆✮
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#3
Good question how to stop, wish I knew the answer, Harm. It's probably the depression along with all those troubling thoughts bouncing around your head which are driving you towards these actions. I'm seeing at as a distraction in some way so as to ease the pain, a destructive distraction of course as it will just inevitably compound what's been going on sooner or later.

One thing in your favour is that you've noticed what you're doing and there is a desire for it to stop. All I can suggest is professional help to help manage the depression, those low dark feelings as once that has started to get under control, then hopefully those urges to undertake reckless behaviour will come under control also.
 

Aurelia

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#5
I've been seeking out dangerous situations. I nearly got arrested the other night for one. It wasn't for trying to hurt anyone or anything but I risked losing everything and did not care at the time which in retrospect is the really scary part. I just don't care. I let this girl totally use me just because I was lonely plus wanted substances from her and mind you I'm pretty fucking sure I'm straight. She's telling people she got me obliterated and had her way with me (former co-worker showed me a text). So there goes my job too, i'm not going back. How to stop? It's so convoluted because I am bringing this on myself.
From personal experience, you're probably not going to stop until either something happens as a result that scares the shit out of you, or you lose something extremely important to you (or everything that's important to you) as a result and end up at rock-bottom. But bottom line is, the fear of going back to those behaviors has to outweigh the reward that you get from them. I wish I had a different answer, but that's not usually how it works.
 
#6
I'm already on short term medical leave. My Dr said if I can't get my act together I should go on SSDI and he is going to start paper work. I'm that fucked up man?
Even if he starts paperwork on SSDI, that doesn't mean that you can never go back to work. Staying safe is the most important thing, even if that takes a few months, a year, or a few years. You've just had too much to deal with all at once. If you can stay safe and get the right treatment, everything else will work out eventually.
 

Aurelia

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#9
I'm guessing it's like some kind of adrenaline rush that you may be getting out of it? But what @Aurelia has said, that's properly put's it perfectly.
Either an adrenalin rush or a way to cope with negative emotions. Either way, there's some kind of reward she's getting out of it or she wouldn't be doing it. I would suggest maybe figuring out what that reward is and trying to get that same reward a different way that's not self-destructive.
 
#13
It sounds like your present condition is unbearable to you, so you are reaching out for things that you hope might give you some relief, but the things you are reaching out for are bad for you.

If that's so, then like Aurelia said, maybe you can find a better coping mechanism
 

Ash600

✮☆Meetup star ☆✮
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#14
You are spot on...and either the reward or maladaptive coping mechanism is more important so it's pretty problematic.
Currently, it seems there's only one primary method of coping with these negative emotions. So I'm figuring that that there are strong urges to engage in such reckless behaviour to overcome those negative emotions, even though those percieved benefits may be short-lived. With there being just the one primary method (ie of a reckless format) then yes no doubt it can be difficult to stop until you are able to discover suitably safer alternatives.
 

Harmony

Well-Known Member
SF Supporter
#17
I knew siaid girl in OP was going to bring me a specific drug of choice that is hard to find so I could get the high I wanted and then I repayed her. I am so disgusted with myself and I'm so lost why bother ...I'm too fucking gone.
 

Ash600

✮☆Meetup star ☆✮
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#18
What's happened, happened, so far it's a one-off event and in no way can it define you. How you're feeling now is because those feelings are still raw and intense as to what went on. Just because you're lost now doesn't mean you won't be able to find you way back again.
 

Aurelia

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#19
I mean technically, I prostituted myself. I want to die.
Girl, seriously, don't beat yourself up over it. When my last ex and I broke up, I was a goddamned mess and I wanted to go get high, but had no idea where to get it. So I found some random motherfucker from the internet, who claimed he had what I wanted (who knows, he could have been lying to me and tried to rape me or worse), and I was ready to go meet him and fuck him just so I could get the drugs. Pathetic, right? Thankfully, I didn't end up doing it, and went to an NA meeting that night instead. But point is, the combination of desperation and misery will make you do crazy shit. I know that better than most people.
 

Aurelia

🔶🔸✴ 👑 ✴🔸🔶
#20
Also, Harm, if there's a substance you're addicted to, all of these behaviors are typical of an addict lifestyle. I've done my fair share of crazy, reckless shit to get drugs as well. Point being, the addiction is at the core of the behavioral problems. And whatever made you want to do drugs in the first place is at the core of the addiction. So to fix this whole mess, you have to work your way backwards and figure out how to cope with whatever made you want to use a different way.
 

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