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road to no place

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Let it all out? OK. I'm 38, bout to be 39. First 17 years of my life was a nightmare. Us kids were not allowed to laugh, cry, or speak. We lived in fear of our father and we were secluded from the world. 4 months after I turned 17, my so called dad threw my belongings out on the front porch and told me to never come back again. 21 years have passed and I have not had contact with anyone blood related to me since then. At 17, I had the mind of a 13 year old. I learned nothing of how to be a man, just learned how to manipulate to survive. I found alcohol and cigs to help make it through. Now I'm facing prison for running a yellow light at 3 AM with no traffic. I blew a .17, 4th DUI, first felony. I destroyed my carrier and fast food won't hire me. Can't pay my fines, so, I will get a bench warrant. I need help, but don't understand what I need. I've been through all kinds of treatment centers and detox centers. Been on meds. Nothing has helped.
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