rock bottom

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by loner, Sep 30, 2006.

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  1. loner

    loner New Member

    Hi everyone ive been holding my feelings in for so long now i just have to release and this seems like a good way to do it, so here it goes. I been a disturbed individual for a very long time now but i dont know why. I hate life I dont want to live but i i lack to courage to end my life. I have no friends except one but he is clueless as are my family cause i always put on a show when im around them. Im 24 and havnt had a girlfriend for 5 years. I pretty much avoid all human contact when possible even the simplest task as going to the store or to a restaurant is very hard to do, i feel like everyone is looking at me judging me or something, im paranoid all the time, sometimes im even delusional. I feel like im losing touch with reality. Ive been suicidal for the past maybe 4 years just thoughts of it ive never actually tried it, but lately when alcohol has pretty much taken over my life these feeling has intensified i also have a past history with drugs and i feel that im soon goona drawn back to them. This is hard stuff for a guy to say but sometimes ill just start crying when i think about life and what could of been. I recently lost my job and have no desire to find a new one, im at rock bottom now and i just want it to be over. Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hun firstly welcome to SF, i think this maybe a very vital part of your life in the future, use this as a way off getting things off your chest, there is a section for substance abuse such as drugs and alcohol so that might be a good place for you to have a look at if you feel that has become a problem. I think maybe talking to someone about things may help, maybe even a counseller or a doctor, theres no harm in trying. And theres ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with crying, it doesn't make you weak, crying is a way for us to release the pain inside, it doesn't show weakness at all, if you feel you need to cry go a head and do it if you need to, we can often feel better after having a good cry :hug:

    take care

    vikki x
     
  3. loner

    loner New Member

    thanks vikki but i just dont think a doctor will help my dad has clinical depression my mom is bipolar and ive seen them try everything and nothing seemed to work for them. Trust me i would love to feel better and be able to do all the things i want to do but it just doesnt seem feaseable, i feel like there is only one way out of this and the only thing that keeps me from killing myself is my family and how it would affect them. My family are all alcoholics although they dont admit it, and i followed right in their footsteps at the age of 16. And i know if i do kill myself they will be devistated. I wish they knew about me but i feel that they can never know because i was the one that kept them going ans made them laugh, I was always the normal one in the family (even though it was all an act, because inside i was as messed up as any of them).
     
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hun, people are all different just because the doctors drugs or therapy didn't work for them doesn't mean it won't work for you, our body's are all different, if the meds (im assuming the doctor gave them meds) didn't work on them, it might work for you as you are younger and fitter than they are, honestly what have you got to lose by going to see a doctor. I went to my doctor about depression and he was really helpful, and i think this could help you aswell. Its alot for someone to deal with two parents being depressed and especially when their drinking, remember depression is an illness just like asthma or anything else and IS hereditary, there are things that can help counselling, medss and ever a mixture of both, you've got nothing to lose by just going to the doctor, if you want to help yourself thats what you've gotta do because it wont go away by its self, you need to see someone professional and work together with them to solve the problem.

    take care

    vikki x
     
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